Pieces of a dream
by Queenbeth2
Summary: AU. Lily Evans didn't expect that responding to what she thought was a friend would turn out to be the biggest mistake of her life. Very hard to explain. LILYXVOLDEMORT Just try it
1. Prologue

DC: I don't own it.

**_THIS IS THE OFFICIAL WARNING THAT THE PAIRING IS NOT NORMAL! YES I'M AWARE THAT VOLDEMORT IS THE BAD GUY AND LILY IS THE PARENT OF THE HERO! SO IF ANYONE COMPLAINS ABOUT THE PAIRING I WILL COMPLAIN BACK! IF YOU AREN'T OPEN TO THE PAIRING THEN DON'T READ! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT DON'T BE RUDE!_**

Pairing(s):

Primarily: Lily/Voldemort

Some: Lily/James

Summary: AU. It started as a way to ease the pain of her best friend's move. It ended as a love that would cost Lily everything. They say that you can't control who you're in love with. And when love grabs hold with an iron grip, it's impossible to break.

Prologue,

Lily Evans stumbled into her bedroom and fell onto her bed. She cried heavily into her pillow and kicked her feet on her bed. "Why?" she cried. "Why?"

"Lils, we're going to take Petunia to her play!" Lily just cried harder. "Do you want to come?"

"NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Lily screamed. She heard her mother walk off. Shortly after she heard the crunching of gravel as they drove off. She cried into her pillow, kicked her feet and screamed but nothing made her feel any better.

_I don't want to be alone anymore_ a voice hissed. Lily looked up from her pillow.

"Hello?"

_Talk to me, Lily._

"Who are you?" Lily asked, rubbing her eye with her palm.

_Are you alone, Lily?_

"Yes," Lily answered. "My sister is in the spotlight of my parent's eyes, nobody likes me at school. I feel so alone." She stood up and began looking around for some clue as to where the voice was coming from. It was soothing in a way. Calm and cool. A man's voice. She didn't know why she continued talking to it when every bit of her judgment was telling her to leave the room.

_I was alone all my life,_ the voice said. _Why are you alone at school?_

"Because I'm different." Lily said quietly. "I can do things others can't."

_How old are you?_

"Sixteen, seventeen in a few days."

_What can you do that others can't?_

"I've always excelled in every subject with ease. I can perform spells faster then anyone in class, everybody avoids me because they say I'm too smart."

_I was too smart._ The voice said bitterly. _They spurned my genius. Until I found a small gathering of people who were too afraid. I understand you, Lily._

An owl swooped in through the window with a scarlet envelope. Lily recognized it to be a howler.

She opened it. The loud echoing sound of James Potter's voice filled the room declaring love.

_Friend of yours?_ The voice asked mildly after it was done.

"A boy that won't leave me alone." Lily said angrily. She sat heavily at her desk and wrote an angry letter back to him. When she sent it off she sat on her bed and sighed.

"Lily! We're home!"

"My parents are back." Lily groaned.

_I have to leave._

"Will I be able to talk to you again?" Lily asked.

_I'll be here whenever you need me._

"What should I call you?"

_Angel._ The voice answered after a long pause.

"Angel." Lily repeated. "Goodnight, Angel."

Meanwhile a cloaked figure watched the red haired girl crawl under the covers and fall asleep. He put a pale hand on the glass orb and a smile spread across his lips. "She's powerful." He said. "She could be of great use to me."

"She's a mudblood." A cloaked and masked figure said angrily. "We should kill her now!"

"No! She could be very useful to me in the future." The man's scarlet eyes flashed. "Now leave me."

"Yes, my lord."

The Lord intertwined his long slender fingers and rested them close to his thin lips. 'Soon, Lily, you will be completely under my control'


	2. Chapter 1

DC: don't own it.

Pre-story notes: I'm basing a lot of the conversations between Lily and Voldemort on how he was with Ginny. Also I've always, and still do, picture Voldemort with a certain charm and debonair. Anyway so that's why he may seem OOC.

Chapter 1,

"Angel? Are you there?"

_Silly girl, haven't I told you that I'll always be here when you call?_

Lily smiled. "I'm going back to school tomorrow." Her angel didn't say anything. "Will I still be able to talk to you?"

_Yes, but only when you're alone._

"How do you know where I'll be?" her angel laughed slightly.

_I'm everywhere you want me to be._ Lily smiled.

"Lord Voldemort, sir, we have captured that youngest Black." Voldemort looked at his death eater with a quirked eyebrow.

"Well? What do you want me to do?"

"Well…a…I thought that you would have wanted to know." Voldemort stood and walked over to the shaking little death eater.

"The boy betrayed me and our way of life." Voldemort said ignoring the fact that he had just finished talking to a muggle born witch. He walked into the next room and with a casual flick of his wand the youngest Black was no more.

With the glass orb floating behind him, Voldemort turned into his chambers. He warded the door and tossed his robe aside. He stretched, yawned, and changed into black pajamas. He sank into a soft, squishy, arm chair and began reading. Being a constant reader was a trait he had kept since childhood.

He casually glanced at the orb and saw that Lily was sitting on her bed, reading. He became distracted. He rested his chin on his hand and watched the Gryffindor with mild interest. "Shame she's a mudblood." He muttered. With that final thought he went back to his book and shortly after he went to bed.

It was the first day of her seventh year, and already Lily wanted to kill James Potter. He always seemed to outdo himself when it came to being a moron. This time she had been walking down the hall after transfiguration. Her mistake was walking behind Severus Snape. She had been rummaging through her bag when suddenly her head felt hot and she was covered in smelly brown goop.

She looked up angrily to see James Potter and Sirius Black with pale faces and wide surprised eyes. The powerful stink of the brown goop made Lily realize that she had been hit, square in the chest, by a dung bomb. She opened her mouth and screamed so loud Albus Dumbledore heard it in his office at the other end of the school.

In perhaps the first wise move they've ever made, James and Sirius ran. Fast. Lily tore after them, still unaware of her shocking pink hair, screaming threats and demanding their blood.

She had to skip class because she was too smelly and it bothered the other students. What made it worse was the laughing. After Potter and his hip-buddy Black had escaped everybody laughed.

So now she was in the shower scrubbing dung out of her hair. "I'll kill him!" She seethed. She squeezed more shampoo into her palm and threw the empty bottle aside. Finally she got all the dung out of her hair and managed to kill the stink, and after a few minutes of hard thinking she managed to switch her hair back to normal.

By the time she finished getting back to normal class was over. Still seething, Lily ran down to the dungeons for potions.

"Look, Lils we're sorry about hitting you." James said. Lily looked at him with angry emerald eyes.

"I'll kill you Potter."

"I took notes for you!" James said quickly. He handed her a notebook. "So it'll be like you never missed class!" Lily stood up slowly. She hit both James and Sirius over the head with the notebook and walked off.

"You deserved that." Remus said with a sigh.

"Yeah we know."

_He's just a fool, you're only helping him by dwelling on him._

"It's just that he's so annoying!" Lily groaned. She wished for a chair to sit in and one appeared. "I love this room." She said with a smile.

_Room of requirement? Yes, it's very nice._

"Are you one of the ghosts, Angel?"

_No. I attended Hogwarts when I was a young boy._

"Did you like it?"

_Very much. _The angel paused. _We're alike, you and I. We're both too brilliant for them to handle._

Lily looked at her watch. "I have class to get to."

_Take care._

With a smile, Lily picked up her bag and left.

"Create and antidote for a common poison." Slughorn ordered. "You have one hour." Lily watched as her classmates began flipping furiously through their books searching for a simple antidote. The only people not searching were Severus Snape, because he already knew what to use, and the dynamic duo; but only because they were plotting another prank.

Lily strolled over to the ingredient cabinet and grabbed a bezoar. She put it down on her desk and sat back in her chair. She pulled out a notebook and a quill. She chewed on the end. After a few minutes she began drawing a sketch of what she believed her angel looked like.

She ended up with a young man. His hair wavy black and his eyes serious but warm.

"You know, put cooler hair on him and glasses and he'll be an exact depiction of your one true love." Sirius said slinging his arm around her shoulder. Lily turned to Sirius.

"Tell you what, Black, go out into the lake, put your head under and count to a million."

"You're so funny, Evans." Sirius said with that playful grin of his. James walked up.

"Is my buddy bothering you, Lily?"

"Tell you what, Potter, you can go join Black in dipping your head in the lake." Lily said hotly. James placed one hand on her head and forced her to look back at him.

"You will be mine, Lily Evans, I swear it." He said. And to seal his promise he kissed her forehead.

"GO AWAY PERVERT!" Lily screamed. James and Sirius laughed and walked off.

After the hour was complete Slughorn took the front of the class.

"What have you made for me?" He went along the lines of students and listened as they nervously explained their creations. He stopped when he came to Lily. "Your cauldron is empty." Lily took his hand and turned it palm up. She slapped the bezoar into his palm.

"Bezoar. Cures most poisons."

"Very good, Miss Evans. Very, very good!" Slughorn praised. "A simple solution to a deadly problem! Five points to Gryffindor for good use of intellect!"

As the bell rang, Lily left with the class. She walked down the hall to the charms classroom when McGonagall stopped her.

"Miss Evans, could you come with me please." Lily nodded and followed her professor as she quickly walked through the crowd of students. Her heart was thumping fast against her chest. McGonagall led her into her office and sat her down. "I don't know quite how to tell you this, Miss Evans." Lily swallowed hard. That opening was rarely followed by good news.

TBC

Haha so evil! Anyway I'll update soon. My summer writing schedule will be kicking in. Last year I wrote almost an entire story in one night.


	3. Chapter 2

DC: I don't own it

Thank you to my reviewers. Love you guys!

Chapter 2,

Lily stared silently at her bedroom wall for a long time. She could hear her sister in the hallway walking from the bathroom to her bedroom. She heard the heavy footsteps of her father as he made his lonely way to bed. She took off the black clothing and threw them into the hamper.

She hadn't finished getting dressed when sat on her bed again. Her mother's funeral had gone well, many people came. But the entire time Lily wanted to run into the comfort of her angel. Now that she was alone, she still didn't call to him. She didn't know what to say. In the morning she would return to school. She would try to return to normalcy.

With a heavy heart she fell onto her bed still clad only in her underwear and fell asleep.

The hustle and bustle of the school was unwelcome to Lily. She didn't want anybody to be happy. She was angry at the group of girls giggling over the newest heartthrob. She was envious of the quidditch teams, excited for the game. She wanted the world around her to end the way the world inside her had.

Lily suddenly felt a bubbling anger in her chest. Petunia had been able to say goodbye. She had been holding her mother's hand when she died. Lily had been at school, suffering through another history of magic lesson. Lily hadn't seen her mother after she died. From what her father said, her mother looked bad. Bruised and wounded. A car had run a red light, she had been told, and they had to pry her out of the car.

Without realizing where she was going, Lily ended up in the room of requirement. Before she could stop herself she called for her angel.

_You've been quiet lately._

"My mother…" Lily began, she hesitated, began crying and sank to the floor.

_There, there my pet,_ her angel said comfortingly, _tell me everything._

"She was in a car accident." Lily sobbed. "Some monster ran a red light and slammed into the side of her." Lily looked towards the heavens. "I didn't get to say goodbye! I didn't get to tell her that I loved her!"

_Everything will be alright again, Lily, the pain will ease._

"Will it?" Lily asked. "I mean I barely accept that my mommy is gone forever." She sniffed and a tissue appeared. She blew her nose and took another one and dabbed her eyes. "Have you lost either of your parents?"

_I never met my father, and my mother died in my birth._

"Oh, I'm sorry."

_I'm not._

"Still, you've been alone all your life." Lily said sadly. "I thought the past few days were bad."

_How is your father?_

"I don't know. Fine I guess."

_Are you going to be okay?_

"I think so."

_Alright._

Lily felt the familiar warmth of her angel's voice fill her and she began to calm down. When she started to get tired she went up to bed.

Voldemort watched her through the glass orb. He watched her snuggled under the covers and fall fast asleep.

_I don't want to be alone._ Lily whispered in her sleep. Voldemort put a pale hand on the glass. So many years ago, when he was a young boy, he had cried the same thing as he slept.

Christmas time was lonely for Lily. It was the first year she didn't return home. She told her father it was because she had a lot of work to do and prefect duties. But really it was she didn't want to spend a gloomy Christmas with the remnants of her family when she could spend a gloomy Christmas alone with her angel. Her sister would be bringing Vernon, her boyfriend, and her grandmother would most likely inquire as to how they were handling the absence of her mother.

Lily knew that a deeper reason was that the house seemed empty without her mother. Sure they hadn't been close like sisters but they didn't fight like many teenagers and parent's do. Perhaps it was because Lily was away most of the time. She was the only one staying over the holiday. This meant that she could talk with her angel in the dorms.

Lily thought a moment about her angel. In the past months, the mysterious voice had become her dearest friend. Her heart began to race as she thought about the mystery man. When she realized that her heart was racing she scolded herself.

_I was getting worried when you didn't come._

Lily squeaked as she jumped in surprise. "Oh, I was going to stay in tonight."

_I'll leave you alone if you wish._

"No!" Lily said quickly. "I mean it is Christmas, I don't want you to be lonely."

_You always think of my best interest don't you?_

"Do you enjoy the holidays?"

_Sometimes. I like the snow._

Lily smiled. "I like the snow too."

_At the orphanage, we would have snowball fights._

"Did you ever win?"

_No, I always read in the window. I didn't like the snowball fights that much. Perhaps it was because there were always two boys that threw ice balls. Safety hazard._

Lily giggled. "Sounds like my old neighbor. He put a rock in one and hit me in the eye."

_Give me his name._ The angel said jokingly. Lily giggled.

"He's changed quite a bit. I saw him at my mother's funeral."

_What was your mother's name?_

"Reece." Lily answered. "What about yours?"

_I don't recall. I think it was Merope or something similar. My father's name I remember perfectly, Tom._

"That's my uncle's name." Lily said casually. After a while she added. "He's a pain." Both she and her angel laughed. Lily leaned back against her pillows. "He'll be at Christmas dinner I expect."

_You're staying for sure then?_

"Yes," Lily fell silent and hugged her arms. "I wish you were real."

_I am real. You can hear me, can't you?_

"No, I mean like a real physical being."

_You cannot see me quite yet._

"Why?" Lily asked. "Are you horrible disfigured or something?"

The angel chuckled. _No, no I'm not horribly disfigured._

Lily and her angel talked about everything and nothing. They talked for hours and it wasn't until near midnight the angel suggested that Lily get some sleep.

"Angel," Lily said before she said goodbye, "I just want to thank you for everything you've done for me. You've taken away my loneliness and helped me with my mother's death."

_It was nothing, Lily._

"No, it was everything. I just want to thank you."

_You're welcome, Lily._

"Happy Christmas."

Voldemort walked into an oak furnished study and sat at a desk. He placed a lid on a small box. With a flick of his wand the box was wrapped in beautiful silver paper. Carefully, Voldemort tied a sheer black ribbon around it. He took up a silver quill and dipped it in black ink.

When Lily woke up in the morning there was a small pile of presents on the foot of her bed. Along with the usual rose with a card with "Date me lovely Lily" attached to it. She was surprised to find a small parcel wrapped in silver paper with a black ribbon. Her heart racing, Lily picked up the card.

_Lily,_

_Something to put that beautiful smile back on your lips._

_Your angel_

Lily smiled and untied the ribbon. She carefully took off the wrapping and opened the box. Tucked inside a cloud of cotton was a silver chain with a small charm, a silver woman's head with two emeralds for eyes and thin cut rubies for hair. Her breath caught in her chest.

There was a note in the box under the necklace. She took the parchment out and opened it.

_Lily,_

_I want to meet you in person. On your next Hogsmead weekend to the shrieking shack. If you wish to meet me you will find further directions. I'll be waiting._

_Your Angel_

Lily looked at the letter for a long time. She held the necklace and looked at it. It was stunningly beautiful. Her cheeks grew hot and she ran into the bathroom to take a shower.

Voldemort sat in a comfortable armchair with his feet propped up on a squishy footrest. He read a book with half interest. With a sigh he threw the book across the room and sighed. He was bored.

"My lord,"

"What is it Macnair?" Voldemort asked irritably.

"We have discovered the spy from Dumbledore's Order." Voldemort sighed and stood up.

"Very well." Voldemort said strolling from the room.

Voldemort walked into the torture chamber where the poor auror spy was tied down. As usual he watched as Macnair tortured the man for information.

"Sir, he's not talking." Voldemort sighed and pushed Macnair aside.

"Useless," Voldemort muttered. He stood over the auror. As he lazily flicked his wand, expelling curse after curse he thought about his day. Surprisingly enough, about Lily's face when she saw the necklace.

"Sir, I don't mean to be rude…"

"Then do stop speaking." Voldemort said angrily. He looked down and saw several burn marks on the table just next to the auror. 'Damn it' he thought angrily. "Macnair, finish the job."

"Yes, sir." Voldemort turned on his heel and left the room with his robes billowing.

"Macnair," He said with out looking back, "I want to know everything he knows."

"Yes, my lord."

"And Macnair, don't bother me again unless it's important."

"Yes, sir."

Voldemort walked back into the study and sat heavily. Lucius walked in to deliver the daily report.

"The aurors captured Rosia; in an attempt to escape he was killed by Alastor Moody."

"I really hate that guy." Voldemort muttered. "What else?"

"The raid on the south village was discovered thanks to that bastard Macnair is torturing." Voldemort clenched his fists. "You haven't led us into anything for a while. What is the status on the Lily Evans project?"

"That's my business, Lucius." Voldemort said.

"Sir…"

"Lucius, your job is to report outside news to me. Not pry into my business. Now go help Macnair with the interrogation." Voldemort ordered.

With the familiar pressure from anger in his chest he turned back to the orb. He watched as Lily opened a present from her father. He calmed down a bit, just watching her. He propped his chin on his palm and watched her lazily. His body began to tense again as once again he began to think. He had gotten upset when Lucius referred to Lily as a project. "Snap out of it." He muttered. "When she is under my control her powers will be of great use."

On a crisp January morning Lily woke up sick to her stomach. She stumbled into the bathroom and looked at her reflection. Her skin was white as a sheet and she was very clammy. Weakly she took a shower hoping to feel better. When she had to throw herself out of the shower and run into the connecting bathroom nearing the brink of spewing on the floor, she knew that she wouldn't be able to meet her angel.

Lily returned to the empty dorm. Her roommates had gone down the breakfast and afterwards were going to run to Hogsmead.

"Angel," Lily said in a gravely voice.

_You don't look so good. Perhaps you should stay in today._

"Are you angry?"

_No. You have no control over your health, my dear._

"I'm sorry."

_Don't be. We'll try again next time. Now go to sleep and stay in bed until lunch when you can have some soup._

"Okay." Lily mumbled. She buried herself under her covers and fell asleep.

By the time the next Hogsmead weekend came around it was spring. So early on a Saturday morning Lily woke up and chose a cute outfit, a soft blue skirt and a white shirt. She brushed her hair and pulled it back into a ponytail. Finally she put on the necklace her angel gave her.

Once in Hogsmead she walked strait to the shrieking shack. She looked around for a signal as to where to go next. She found a cluster of red sparks on the ground near the shack. She went up to it and picked up a note.

_Follow the gold._ Lily looked on the ground and saw a thin trail of golden sparks. Her heart racing, Lily walked along the sparks into the nearby forest. When the sparks stopped Lily looked around for another sign.

"Lily," her breath caught in her chest as she heard the voice behind her. She took a deep breath and turned around. Leaning against the tree was a tall pale man. His hair was wavy and ink black. His eyes were a startling shade of scarlet. Lily let out the breath she was holding.

He was everything she had dreamed he would be.

TBC

Finally they meet face to face. Muahahahahaha! Let the fun begin!


	4. Chapter 3

DC: don't own it

Thanks to my reviewers!

Note: I always pictured Voldemort being the unseen being. The type that has his boys do the dirty work. Which is why Lily didn't recognize him as the dark lord.

Chapter 3,

"Hi." Lily said quietly. Voldemort grinned.

"No need to be so shy." Lily blushed a bit.

"I just never really thought that we'd…" she trailed off. "I'm happy to have finally met you."

"And I you." Voldemort said.

It turned out to be like any other time they talked. They chatted about Hogwarts, classes, the ever growing annoyances known as James Potter and Sirius Black. They walked around the wooded area as they talked. There was a stream that ran through the trees. They walked across a log to the other side. Lily held tightly to his hand as she walked shakily. His hand was cold, but strong.

"You almost fell." Voldemort said lightly. "That would have been bad."

"Potter would have come running if he heard that I got a white shirt wet." Voldemort chuckled even though the idea made him more then a little angry. 'Pervert' he thought dryly.

"Mom used to take me and my sister on walks through the woods when we were little." Lily told him. "Sometimes, when we went camping, we would gather berries and water and then pretend we were witches making a potion."

"Were you close with your mother?"

"Yes, well more then with my dad. We started drifting after I got my letter." Lily realized that he was still holding her hand. "What was your childhood like?"

"Pathetic." Voldemort said bitterly. "I never played well with others."

"So you're a reader?"

"Yes." Lily smiled.

"Me too."

"Sadly, we must say our farewells." Voldemort said as they reached the edge of the woods near the shrieking shack. He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. "I'll be away for a while. But I'll contact you when we can speak again."

"Okay." Lily mumbled. With a smile on her lips and blush in her cheeks she ran off towards the village and then back to school.

Lily sat down to dinner and was joined, much to her dislike, by James.

"What do you want, Potter?" she asked dryly.

"Lily, I've realized that I've been a jerk."

"Finally, years of telling you have sunk in." James put his hand on hers.

"You know how I feel about you." Lily turned to him and sighed.

"James, you're a sweet guy two percent of the time. And I would probably go out with you…if you had the maturity of a seventeen year old. But right now even if you did I couldn't."

"Why not?"

"Because," Lily said with a slight blush, "I think I'm in love with someone else."

Voldemort observed the conversation between Lily and James with immense delight.

_I think I'm in love with someone else._

"Excellent." Voldemort muttered. He leaned back in his chair delighted by Lily's feelings for him.

Back at Hogwarts, Lily and James were actually carrying on a conversation.

"What do you think you're going to do after you graduate?" James asked taking a sip of pumpkin juice.

"I don't know for sure, I've been taking classes to become and auror."

"Me too." James said brightly. "I just want to pay Voldemort back for all the people he's killed!" Lily smiled and nodded.

"Me too. But I'll probably end up teaching here." Lily said just before yawning. "I'm getting tired."

"Hey, talk to you tomorrow?" James asked as she stood. Lily looked back and nodded.

"Only if you act like a normal human being." She said with a laugh in her voice. She walked off and James suppressed a whoop of joy.

Voldemort scowled as he saw the interaction between James and Lily. He felt a heavy pressure in his chest and threw the nearest object he could find across the room. Coincidentally, Lucius Malfoy was walking in with Macnair and he got hit in the forehead. Voldemort mentally laughed. "What is it, Malfoy?"

"We found a resistance cell in London. We need your go ahead." Voldemort held out his hand and Lucius handed him a file. As usual it contained a list of death eaters they would take, the curses they planned to use, who they planned to use them on, and a few maps. Voldemort studied the information intently.

"What are the risks?"

"We've had a spy of ours staked out there and he's reported that these are far more violent then the rest of Dumbledore's order. Two members, Rosten and Marrel, are former Azkaban inmates and are tough. Karkarof is there as well."

"Tell him and the other spies to get out so they aren't discovered."

"Sir," Macnair began uncertainly, "we're not entirely sure where Karkarof's loyalties lie."

"What do you suggest, Macnair?" Voldemort asked coolly.

"I suggest we keep an eye on him."

"Very well, put Crabbe on it. What else?"

"Other then that we foresee no risks aside from the obvious they are trained aurors."

"Very well, get on it." Voldemort said. "Bring back their leader for…questioning."

"Yes, my lord." Lucius said bowing and then leaving with a swish of his black robes. Macnair following in his wake. Voldemort crossed one leg over the other and rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly. Being the dark lord was hard work.

Voldemort watched in mild interest as Lily spent her evenings cramming for exams. Even though the NEWT exams were a month away. He thought fondly back to his days as a school boy and studying for the NEWTs.

"She'll work herself into a frenzy." He muttered. There was a Hogsmead weekend coming up in a few days. Perhaps when they met he would give her a few tips.

"Lily, what are you doing in Hogsmead this weekend?" James asked as the students lined up to leave. Sirius rolled his eyes behind them and James, somehow knowing, elbowed him in the ribs.

"Yeah, I wasn't using those ribs." Sirius grunted.

"I'm meeting someone." Lily said apologetically. "Sorry."

"Okay, see you around then." James said. He waved back to her as Sirius dragged him off, dead set on getting to Zonko's before the rush.

Voldemort clenched his fists as he saw James more or less ask Lily on a date. "I'm so close," he growled to himself, "like hell I'll let that pretty boy wreck everything."

Lily walked into the clearing where they usually met. She sat on a tree stump and waited. She had only been sitting for about five minutes when she felt the familiar hand on her shoulder. She turned around and smiled brightly. "Hey,"

"Hello." Lily jumped up and hugged him. Voldemort kindly returned the embrace. "And how have you been lately?"

"Busy." Lily said with a sigh. "NEWTs are in a month."

"Those exams aren't anything to get worked up about." Voldemort told her. "I promise. Someone of your intellect should have nothing to worry about."

"Still, you know me I'm a worrier." Voldemort chuckled.

"Indeed you are."

"I do this every year," Lily sighed, "I never need to worry as much as I do because I always do fine, but I can't help it."

They both sat on a log and began talking. Voldemort's hand rested beside him, and he didn't mind that Lily shyly put her hand in his.

Once again they had talked all day. Voldemort learned that when Lily was nervous she fidgeted with the necklace he gave her. "Something on your mind?" he asked.

"No." Lily said quickly. "I'm fine." They both stood up and walked a little. As four thirty rolled around Lily told him that she had to go. "I'll talk to you later." She said.

Voldemort thought quickly. James would talk to her at dinner. Lily stopped when he didn't let go of her hand. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"Nothing," in a quick movement, Voldemort pulled her hand and Lily stumbled forward into him. One pale hand rested on the side of her face, on her jaw line and his lips rested on hers. Lily's eyes widened and her heart began to race.

It was her first kiss, so of course she thought it to be more romantic then it actually was. The kiss was rough, moist and his lips were chilly, but to Lily the kiss was tender. In her imagination the background was enchanting, rather then just trees.

But most importantly, Lily realized that without a doubt she was head over heels in love with her angel. And that, was exactly what Voldemort had been waiting for.

TBC

Hopefully that's not too big of a cliffy. I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again (probably soon but I'm not sure) because we're moving across the country so we have to get packed up. We're moving on Friday and it's a three day drive. Unfortunately my laptop has a pathetic battery. Anyway enjoy.


	5. Chapter 4

DC: I don't own it.

Thanks to my reviewers.

Basically right now, Voldemort isn't quite at the pinnacle of his power. That's A, why Lily didn't recognize him (among other reasons) and B, he's interested in her…abilities. I had some comments about that so I figured that I'd share some info.

Chapter 4,

Lily took a step back slowly. "I…I…uh…"

"Until next time, Lily." Voldemort said. He touched her cheek lightly before leaving.

When he returned home, Voldemort had a unusual grin stuck on his face. He popped into the torture room and zapped each of the three captured aurors just because he was in a good mood.

His jolly stride slowed to a frustrated storm as his stomach began to ache. To cure the pain he went to the kitchen and picked up an apple. He walked the halls of the manor eating the fruit.

"Sir, will you be attending the raid on Godric's Hollow?"

"No. Far too much work to do, Malfoy." Voldemort turned into his chambers and found the orb waiting for him. He saw Lily sitting on her bed, her cheeks as red as her hair, obviously replaying the days events in her mind. He knew that between her daydreaming and studying for the NEWTs it would be hard to talk with her. He would leave her to study unless Potter made another move. Then he would step in. But until then, he had nothing to worry about.

One month after graduation, Lily moved into an apartment. James had helped her move in and forced Sirius to help as well. When everything was moved in they all sat down with bottles of butterbeer.

"Thanks for helping, James." Lily said taking a sip.

"It's only 'cause he has the major hots for you." Sirius said dully. He wasn't happy spending his Saturday moving boxes. "Maybe one day he'll realize he's aiming too high."

"Sirius, shut up!" Lily giggled and James hit his friend. Sirius looked at his watch.

"Oh, crap, I gotta go meet Candy for…dinner."

"Great." James muttered. "Have fun."

"Oh, I intend to." Sirius said standing. He turned to Lily. "Lils, it's been a pleasure moving your junk now I'm off to have some whoopee."

"Just go!" James groaned.

"Bye Sirius." Lily said suppressing a giggle. After he left James turned to Lily.

"Sorry about that, Paddy just doesn't get it sometimes."

"James, I'm far too used to your friend's being weird." Lily assured him. "After all we did go to the same school for seven years."

"Yeah, we had fun."

"You two drove me insane. Remus was alright though."

"Yeah," James said with a fond smile. "Lily there's something I have to ask you."

"James…"

"Will there ever be a time that you'll love me like I love you?" Lily put her hand on his.

"James, you're really great." Lily said uneasily. "But I love someone else."

"So perusing you…"

"James you could find someone so much better then me." James leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"Nobody's better then you." With that he stood up and left. He was at the door when Lily stopped him.

"James wait," James turned and looked at her, "I am sorry." James smiled sadly.

"See you around." He said before leaving.

About and hour later Lily left her apartment for Dumbledore's office.

"Ah, Miss Evans how are you enjoying the real world?"

"I just moved into my new apartment." Lily said happily. "And I begin auror training next month, along with James and Sirius."

"I have no doubt that you'll excel in that field." Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling.

"And I wanted to know if you know of any resistance forces against the dark lord."

"Ah, I knew there was an ulterior motive of your visit." Dumbledore said with a knowing smile. "Your friend James came and asked me the same thing." Lily blushed a bit.

"I see you aren't aware that I have started a…resistance as you call it…called The Order of the Phoenix, and I would be thrilled to have you join our ranks. However I will require that you begin your training as an auror. After the first month of training, come back and we'll see if you're able to handle it."

"Thank you, professor."

"You need not call me professor, any longer, Miss Evans. You aren't a student."

"Yeah, well I guess its habit." Dumbledore stood.

"It was a pleasure meeting with you, Miss Evans, but I'm afraid I must attend a meeting," He extended his hand and Lily nervously took it. "You need not be so intimidated." Lily's cheeks turned a light shade of pink. "All the best in your training and I do hope to work with you one day."

"Me too." Lily said. "I won't let you down."

"I know." He walked her to the door. "Take care, Lily."

"Bye." Lily walked down the stairs and made her way to the exit. She walked to Hogsmead and decided to stop for some coffee. She ran into professor Slughorn near the Hogshead pub.

"Ah, Lily Evans it is a pleasure to see you!" he exclaimed. "I was just meeting one of my old students."

"I was just up seeing professor Dumbledore." Lily said. The beefy man grinned and it was a tell tale sign that he was about to begin a tale about how pleased he was to see her and how he was about to brag to her how well _she_ did as a student.

"Surely I don't need to tell you just how bright you are. But I would like to introduce you to one of my favorite former students. You're brains and wit, rival his."

"I can't professor, I have to meet someone in an hour and…"

"Now, he's a pureblood and like most Slytherins he doesn't care much for muggle born wizards, or witches, but I know that like me, your superior intellect will make him see otherwise about you."

"I really appreciate…"

"Come, come!" He took Lily by the arm and led her into the dingy pub.

The pub was pretty empty. The old bartender was cleaning a glass with a grimy rag. Mundugus Fletcher was sitting near the back buying drugs and in the back corner there was a figure in a black hooded cape. "There he is." Slughorn steered Lily to the cloaked figure. "Riddle my boy." He said jovially. The cloaked figure stood and turned.

Lily's breath caught in her chest as he removed his hood. "Professor, it's been too long."

"Far too long." Slughorn said shaking the man's hand. "But where are my manners, Lily Evans, this is Tom Riddle." Lily was too surprised to say anything.

"You're Tom Riddle?" Lily said through her shock.

"Yes, I am."

"You're father's name?" Lily asked, still with a surprised expression on her face.

"Yes, I thought you would have forgotten that."

"You two have met?"

"On occasion." Voldemort said.

"I have to go," Lily said quickly. "I have to meet someone." Voldemort nodded and gave her a knowing look. "It was a pleasure seeing you again professor." With that Lily rushed from the pub and returned home.

"So now you know my name." Voldemort said as Lily walked into her apartment. He was sitting on her sofa. Lily squeaked as she jumped. "My most terrifying nightmare has been realized."

"I don't think learning your name will be so bad." Lily said, her heart still thumping quickly against her ribs. "Coffee? Tea? Water?"

"Tea, if you will." With a flick of her wand Lily began heating water.

"So," she said sitting on the sofa making sure that one cushion was between them, "you don't like people like…me."

"Normally I don't. I've made an exception for you." He paused. Voldemort debated briefly about whether or not he would tell her who he was before she began speaking again.

"I'll begin my auror training in a month. And then I want to join a resistance against the dark lord."

"Now why would you do that?" he asked. "It's dangerous."

"That demon is killing people for no reason!" Lily cried. "Take me for example," she said her voice fiery, "the dark lord wants to kill me simply because my parents are muggle. I mean how unfair is that? It was just like Hitler with the Jews! He punished them for what they believed. Do you know what he did?"

"I'm not well versed in muggle history." Voldemort said dully.

"He locked them in camps and tortured them by putting them in gas chambers and doing sick medical experiments on them! Useless experiments! And for years he got away with it! Now tell me, Angel, where's the fairness in that? Children were taken from their parents because of their race and religion!" Lily was on her feet in a passionate rant. Voldemort watched her, not really caring about what she was talking about. Not even keeping some of the tortures she mentioned for his own use. He saw the fire in her eyes and for the first time in a long time he wished that they had been students together. Oh how he would have loved to debate facts and theories into the wee hours of the morning. He would have been delighted to debate the theories of potions and their uses until the cows came home.

'Soon I'll be able to turn her mind to see things the way I do.' He thought. Lily looked at him, her eyes were fiery and passionate. Her flaming red hair was thrown about her shoulders. The summer heat was making her sweat a little and the droplets glittered on her brow like stars.

He remembered when he was a lonely teenager. He would have given anything to have someone like her around.

"Lily," he said quietly. She didn't hear him. She was on a roll and there was no way to stop her.

"The dark lord is just like those men!" Lily cried. "Killing innocent people for no…" she was cut off as she was taken into Voldemort's arms and his lips silenced hers. The adrenaline from the rant was still pumping through her veins along with something else. She clutched desperately at the front of his robes.

Lily parted her lips and let his tongue dominate her mouth. His taste was so strong, so masculine. Lily wanted so much more while feeling afraid of what may happen.

Voldemort couldn't believe what he was doing. He was kissing a silly girl and felt like he never wanted to let go. Jealousy consumed him as he thought of James Potter. Anger filled his being as he thought of the nameless man who crashed into her mother's car, killing her. And anger for anyone who made her angry, dead dictators included.

He didn't know why this woman, who was supposedly everything he was against. She was muggle born and a Gryffindor. It was inconceivable that such things only served to arouse feelings (that in itself was something strange to him).

When they broke apart Lily looked weakly into his eyes. His beautiful scarlet eyes. "I love scarlet." She whispered. Voldemort cupped her cheek with one hand and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear with the other. "Tom…I…I think I'm in love with you."

TBC

I don't know when I'll be able to update again. The movers are packing up the stuff tomorrow and I'm pretty sure that means my wireless router goes into a box sad face but I'll be working on the next chapter. Review!


	6. Chapter 5

DC: don't own it.

Thank you to my reviewers.

Chapter 5,

Like many new couples, the first weeks of Lily and Voldemort's new relationship was steaming. Every kiss was like the one they shared in the living room of Lily's apartment and every kiss left Lily desperate for more of him.

It was near midnight and the two of them were sitting in Lily's apartment. They were lazily having a thumb war. Voldemort, due to his long thumb, continued beating her for probably the hundredth time that night. They had been discussing charm theories for well over three hours. During which Lily sought comfort in his arms. They sat side by side on the sofa, Voldemort's arm casually slung over Lily's shoulder.

"I just don't understand why everyone makes such a big deal over age differences." They had begun talking about this when a news story came on the muggle news about a man of 29 having a relationship with a girl of 17.

"Well, perhaps manipulation had something to do with it." Voldemort said casually totally not caring that he had more or less done the same thing.

"What if they were really in love? Did anyone ever think of that? Just because she's a year under legal age it's wrong. Had she been 18 everybody would be fine with it." Lily took his hand and held it. "I mean you've got to be quite a bit older then me and I'm pretty sure I've never loved anyone more. And even though you were probably graduating when I was conceived I know that even though you don't say it you love me too." She rested her cheek on his shoulder and sighed. "So why do they care so much? Age is just a number."

Voldemort had sort of tuned her out after she said that she felt his love for her. He wondered if he really loved her or if he was just very attracted to her. He wondered if he was even capable of loving someone. Her words assured him that his original plan was working, but though he tried, he still couldn't shake a strange feeling in the area he assumed his heart should be.

After talking some more they ended up making out on the couch. Lily wrapped her arms tight around his shoulders as their tongues danced. Voldemort held her waist gently. Her shirt bunched up as she moved and she could feel his cool hand on her skin. It was a pleasurable sensation.

Voldemort cradled her head and gently cupped her breast. Lily pulled her mouth away. "Tom, I'm not ready for that yet." She said as he kissed her neck. He didn't answer but he withdrew his hand and instead caressed her hand with his.

When the little clock on the wall chimed Lily sighed. She pulled away from him reluctantly.

"I have work in the morning." Lily said. "I have to get some sleep."

"Training?"

"No, a written exam." Lily moaned. "I hate those." Voldemort chuckled.

"I'll see you soon." Voldemort said. He took her hand and kissed it. "Sleep well."

"You too." Lily said. She kissed his cheek and he left. Feeling lighter then air Lily went into her bedroom and crawled into bed.

"Class, I know today we were supposed to take the written, but things have changed." Moody growled. He was still filling in and it was very boring for James and Sirius who usually got away with everything behind the regular teacher's back. "We'll be training today." There were collective groans. "SHUT UP YOU BRATS!" Moody roared. "YOU CAN'T LEARN ANYTHING SITTING IN A CLASSROOM! CONSTANT VIGILANCE! THAT'S WHAT YOU WHELPS LACK! WARMUPS NOW!"

Lily and Sirius were paired up for auror exercises. They were to practice disarming while dodging an attack. It would have been something that Lily would have been good at if only she hadn't been distracted. After failing the warm up they took up spots in the sidelines for the class sparing.

As usual the instructor began calling people up. James took on a young woman named Janie. They were to only use the disarming spell and sparks. They wore special vests, similar to what muggle children wore when they played lazar tag. Three hits with sparks and it would glow bright green signaling that they have 'died'

It was fun to watch James play. It was quite obvious that not only had he discovered muggle video games, he had dominated them. "It's just like Halo for him." Sirius said fondly. "When Remus introduced the game to us we didn't think that we would like it."

"I didn't think that James would in interesting in muggle games."

"Are you kidding? It took him only one day to beat the game. We battle all the time." Sirius said fondly. Lily watched as James sparred with the poor woman and quickly defeat her. Lily was up next, against Sirius, and she barely defeated him. It had come down to the fact that she was more talented when it came to silent spells. But it may have had something to do with the fact that Sirius's best friend had the hots for her.

Voldemort was bored again. His death eaters were on assignments and Lily was taking a written exam so she couldn't duck out early. He was relieved that she didn't have training that day, it meant that she would have plenty of energy for other things. Perhaps they would have a debate again tonight, they both enjoyed those. Closing his eyes, he allowed his mind to replay the delights he had partaken in the night before. As a Malfoy walked in he snapped out of it.

"Sir, will you be joining us on the raid on the auror training compound?" Voldemort thought for a moment. Lily wouldn't be there, and terrorizing a bunch of upstarts would chase away the boredom.

"I suppose."

"Now, you little whelps," Moody barked as the class swallowed pain killing potions, "we'll be going out to The City today. You'll be practicing against professional aurors. NOW GO!"

"Geez, what's eating him?" Sirius muttered. Lily shrugged.

"One too many unforgivables to the noggin." James muttered back.

Slowly the class made their way to the outdoor training grounds. It was a large and usually pretty terrifying. They called it The City because it was a mile long each way and looked like a demolished city. Twisted metal and rubble was scattered about.

Many of the weaker souls lost their wits when in The City. It was no wonder, either, fully trained aurors pretended to be dark wizards and due to their excelled abilities they were very stealthy and their hiding was impeccable.

Fortunately they didn't dress as death eaters the first couple of times so it was a little less frightening. Neither side was aloud to use unforgivable curses or anything too damaging. All the rubble was magically protected so that if blown back, nobody would be impaled and probably killed or mortally wounded at best.

The young aurors-to-be looked around nervously. They had never been to The City before.

"Sure makes you sweat, doesn't it?" Moody growled. "If you'll direct you attention over there, you'll see the team you'll be fighting." The group turned to see a group of twenty intimidating people standing before them. About fifteen were men and five were women. They all stood with their legs spread at shoulder length and their hands clasped firmly behind their backs. They were dressed in tight suits with a patch in the corner. "ROBES ON!" Moody barked. Like an army, the aurors took out robes with their right hands and swirled them around their shoulders and fastened them.

"SIR YES SIR!" They chorused. "READY SIR!"

"Run along you little scamps," Moody said with a grin, "they'll give you a five second head start." As he said that, there was a loud crack as all twenty aurors apparated into The City.

"You said they'd…"

"CONSTANT VIGILANCE, MR. BLACK!" Moody roared.

The young aurors crept into The City nervously. James stuck close to Sirius and Lily.

"Okay, watch each other's backs." Sirius said. "Teamwork."

"Right." The other two agreed.

"Frank!" Lily hissed as they saw a man with a round cherry red face. He didn't hear her.

"Longbottom!" James hissed. Frank turned.

"What?" He hissed back.

"Let's team up. Those guys are strides ahead of us."

"Alice! Let's go!" A blonde girl joined her boyfriend and they joined the trio. The five of them walked cautiously through the twisted metal and stepped over bits of brick and mortar.

"BACK!" James shouted. They all jumped back as a red jet shot by.

"We're gonna die." Sirius panted.

"They can't kill us," Lily said, also panting, "It's not aloud."

"DOWN!" Sirius shouted. They all crouched low as a green jet shot above their heads.

"That was…"

"AVADA KEDAVERA!" a voice cried. The five wizards tried to apparate but couldn't.

"Sadistic teachers!" Sirius hissed as they didn't vanish.

"That wasn't the teachers," Alice whispered back as they pressed themselves against the inside of a building, "the course allows apparition."

They crept further into the building and were pulled forcefully aside and stuffed under a staircase by two men and a woman.

"We're under attack." The woman said hurriedly. "Stay here and don't move. That's an order." The five novices nodded. The three aurors crept out and moments later a light show began.

Nobody moved or spoke for a while. In fact not many of them took a single breath. James' arm was around Lily's chest and his wand was pointed out.

Frank tugged on James' sleeve and nodded his head towards Alice and Lily. Silently the two men moved in front of the two women. James, Sirius and Frank made themselves into a shield. Under any other circumstances, Lily would have protested the fact that the men were treating them like weak women but she didn't make a sound. She knew that the boys had only deep concern and love in their actions.

The building rumbled. The five took sharp breaths. Through a hole in the building, Lily saw a death eater walking by with his wand extended. He was soon attacked by an auror.

As if in slow motion she saw a death eater land behind the auror and green light hit his back. She felt her lunch rise in her throat. Someone was pushed up against the very wall she could see out of.

"Where are your friends?" a death eater asked. Lily recognized the voice as Lucius Malfoy.

"Burn in hell slime!" it was a woman.

"Crucio!" James squeezed Lily's hand until his knuckles were white and her hand was bright red as they heard the shrieks of agony. "Tell me!" Lucius ordered again.

"NO!" She shrieked again as the five saw a flash of red light. Lily squeezed her eyes shut and Alice held back a whimper.

"Tell me the location of the Order of the Phoenix." Malfoy ordered.

"I don't know!"

"Yes you do."

"I don't know!"

"Fine, then you'll suffer until you can remember." Nobody in the tiny hiding space dared move, not even when a splash of blood landed on Lily's hand. Malfoy was so close, if he just looked at a small hole in the wall he'd find them. They feared that one small movement would alert Malfoy of their whereabouts.

"Enough," a silky voice said, "you could find something far more useful to do with your time."

"But my lord…"

"Dumbledore has done his work well. No doubt he is the secret keeper of The Order, this little auror wouldn't know. Leave her."

"Sir,"

"Do as I say."

"Yes, sir." Lily saw the girl crumple to the ground and Lucius walked off with the dark lord. Lily took a breath. She pushed past the other's and ran out of the building.

"Lily!" they all hissed as she left. Lily crouched low. She heard the auror cough and wheeze. She sobbed in pain.

"Avada Kedavera!" the green light of the spell remained burned temporarily into the side of the building and Lily fell to the ground as she got away.

"Perhaps you should work on your aim." The silky voice of the dark lord said dully. Lily scrambled around the corner of the building. Clearly Lily's life was just some little toy. "Go make yourself useful elsewhere.

Lily grabbed onto the fallen auror and dragged her into the building next to the one her friends were in.

"Little auror come out and play."

"No," the auror whispered. Lily looked down at the woman. Her Weasley red hair was stained with the blood from her face. Lily recognized her as Kim, Arthur Weasley's sister. "Stay hidden."

"Where did you go?" Voldemort asked silkily. Lily's heart raced as she thought she recognized the voice. She tucked Kim's body in an alcove and covered her with a tattered blanket. She walked towards a hole in the wall, bent on dashing to the next building. She heard Voldemort's voice at the other end.

"Where did you go little auror?" She shot a spell in the opposite direction and darted out. She crashed into something tall and firm and fell to the ground. Her heart was beating faster then it ever had in her life. She knew what she had crashed into. Or rather whom.

"Ventriloquism is an acquired art." Voldemort told her. Lily fought back tears of fear. "Look at me auror, I love seeing light leave a person's eyes when I kill them." Lily clenched her fists. She could see their shadows on the building. He was pointing his wand at her. She wouldn't look at him. If he was going to kill her, she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of looking into her eyes as he did so. But it bothered her that the voice seemed familiar. But she had never heard the dark lord speak before. She had never met the dark lord.

"Come now, don't be difficult." Where did she know that voice from?

_Training?_

_No, written exam. I hate those._

_I'll see you soon. Sleep well._

No. No it couldn't be.

_I don't want to be alone. Talk to me Lily._

"Look at me, auror."

"No!" Lily said boldly. "I won't give you the satisfaction."

_Lily_

The harder Lily thought the more the voice of Tom and the dark lord mingled. Her eyes widened. When she took away the body and remembered back to when he was just the voice of her angel they sounded exactly the same.

Slowly she looked up, dreading what she would see. Emerald met scarlet. Voldemort looked at the tear stained face of the woman he probably loved.

"Angel," she whispered. She shakily stood. With tears spilling from her eyes. Lily ran. Forgetting about her friends and the injured Kim she ran. She ran away from the only man she loved body and soul. She ran until she realized, she didn't have his arms to run to.

TBC

Finally I'm able to update! Our movers didn't get our stuff here until four days after we moved. Since we moved across the country, I guess it isn't surprising. Anyway I just got internet connected so yay! I have half of the next chapter written. I'm not quite sure about the pacing of the next chapters, but I think it's going to slow down. Meaning it will be going day by day. But I'm not entirely sure. I know what I want to do with the story but I don't know how fast the story wants to go. I've written the epilogue. It was exciting and I was getting all emotionally involved. There's two ways it could go so I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'll probably end up flipping a coin because both ways are good (but one is a bit more OOC) it'll probably depend on my mood as well. Who knows it may all change! Anyway review!


	7. Chapter 6

DC: don't own it

Thanks to my reviewers!

So big news of the chapter is…I GOT TO SEE WICKED! FINALLY! Sorry about that, I've just been wanting to see it ever since I first listened to the soundtrack and I finally have! It was a graduation/birthday present from my stepdad and I loved every moment of it. I could go on for pages about it but I doubt anybody wants to hear that. You all are far too interested in the story so I shall not keep you.

Chapter 6,

The death eaters left The City. The Order had arrived and they knew they were out numbered.

Dumbledore found Lily crouched down. She had stumbled and couldn't find the strength to stand again.

"Lily, are you alright."

"Fine, I just fell." She said, sniffing. The headmaster helped her up and she winced.

"Minor injuries." Dumbledore said. "Where are some others?"

"Uh," Lily looked around. "James, Sirius, Frank and Alice are in a building wedged under stairs. They were put there by aurors. Kim Weasley is in the building next to theirs. She's badly hurt."

"Alright," Dumbledore said. "Can you show me a general direction?" He helped Lily keep weight off of her left foot and they went to her friends.

"Enneverate." Dumbledore said pointing his wand at Kingsley.

"Sorry man." James said quickly. "You startled us."

"Lily you maniac!" Sirius cried from James' side. Dumbledore offered James his hand and James took it.

Voldemort watched silently, safely from his lair, via the orb. He saw James go to embrace Lily and she pulled away. He touched her cheek.

"Lily, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." Lily said quietly. "Just shaken that's all." She watched for a moment as Sirius helped Frank out and then Alice. Their legs ached from crouching for so long. Their faces were smudged from dirt and dust.

"Lily…"

"Look, I just need to be alone right now." Without another word she apparated.

Lily appeared in a clearing in the forest just outside of Hogsmead. She transfigured a long branch into a long ace-bandage. She wound it around her sore ankle and tied it securely. She rested her chin on her knees and closed her eyes. Silent tears dribbled down her cheeks and landed on the ground below.

She wondered when the clearing had become her safe haven. When did she figure that she would always be safe here? She thought about it and then realized that it was because she met her angel face to face there. It was the first place she kissed him. It was the place of her first kiss ever. She looked at the leaves of the maple tree, blowing lazily in the wind.

Lily wondered why it had been her. Of all the girls he could have chosen why did he choose her? She bit back a sob when she realized that it was because she was powerful. Seven years of magical training had carved her magical ability into a magnificent force. She knew she was powerful, and he knew it too.

"He used me." Lily said quietly. "I was just a meaningless pawn in his plans."

"Perhaps at first." She jumped when the silky voice of Lord Voldemort floated by her ear. She stood quickly and turned to face him, her wand drawn and anger in her eyes. "But then I realized how similar we are."

"I'm nothing like you!" She said.

"Sure you are." Voldemort said sitting on a tree stump casually, as if discussing the weather. "We're so much alike it's frightening at times."

"You kill people for your own pleasure."

"Where as you kill them for work?" he asked in attempt to make a joke.

"Humor isn't your forte." Lily said coldly. "Neither is love."

"I'll give you that one." Voldemort agreed. "I find the emotion useless and quite bothersome."

"What would you know about it?" Lily asked sharply. "I was just something you could use."

"I will admit to that, yes, I saw your vulnerability and I took advantage of that. That's life. It wasn't until that day you were yelling at me about the cruelties of the dark lord did I realize I was feeling strong bothersome emotions towards you. So, somewhere between the times I first spoke to you in your bedroom to that time I kissed you, my plans went astray."

"Oh you poor evil man, I feel so sorry for you." Lily snapped. Voldemort glared at her.

"I could just kill you now and end the pain we are both facing." He said darkly.

"So that's all it was to you?" Lily asked through tears. "Just pain?" She looked him strait in the eye. "Those nights we talked for hours, when I had to take a potion to keep awake during training, those nights are so precious to me."

"What angers you more, Lily? Is it that I am the dark lord or that I am supposedly incapable of love?" Voldemort asked calmly. His eyes still narrowed and his arms crossed.

"You're everything that's wrong with the world and all I can think about is how amazing I felt when you kissed me! All I can think about, even as I want to rip your spine out is that I love you with all my heart even though you are the cause of so much darkness and suffering!" Lily cried.

"You still haven't answered my question." Voldemort said in the same calm tone even though inside he was screaming and roaring in so many different emotions he had lost track of them all.

"I don't know!" Lily said, still crying. "What angers me the most is that I don't know what _is_ angering me the most!" She sank to her knees, her ankle was throbbing painfully. She had forgotten about it while she was yelling. She remained silent for a long time.

"What angers me the most," she began quietly, "is that you were right."

"About what?"

"Us," Lily admitted, "we are alike. We live for the chance to get our hands on first edition books. We'll spend hours studying spells just because we want to. We love to spend hours debating theories and spells. We love challenges and most frightening of all is that we will do anything to get what we want." She heard the rustle of his cloak and saw black silk come into view as he knelt down. He lifted her chin. Lily looked into his eyes. She knew that for the rest of her life, she would never tire of his eyes.

Voldemort didn't say a word, he just cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. Lily pulled away.

"I have to go." She said quietly.

Lily limped into her apartment building after stopping at a drug store for band-aids and ointment. She limped up the stairs and stopped when she saw James sitting in front of the door.

He stood up when she reached the landing. "You left so suddenly, I was worried about you." He said. He was holding a plastic bag from the same drug store she had been to. "I brought some bandages…but I see you already got some."

Lily rummaged through her pockets for her key. She unlocked the door. "Have a seat," she said, "are you hungry? Or thirsty?"

"A little of both." James said honestly. "More shaken then anything." Lily fumbled around with the tea kettle. Finally she managed to set it down on the stove and turned the heat on.

She sloppily made sandwiches but her hand shook so badly she couldn't get the knife into the peanut butter jar. She dropped the knife and James put his arms around her. "Sit, I'll make them." He said. Lily turned in his arms and hugged him tight.

"I thought you had been killed." He admitted after a while. Lily was crying into his shoulder and he was on the verge of crying into hers. "When you left I was so scared. I would have gone after you if Sirius hadn't held me down."

"I'm glad you didn't." Lily told him. "I couldn't bare it if anything happened to you."

"Lily, I…"

"You're the best friend I ever had," Lily said persistently. "You've always been there for me."

"I still love you, Lily." James said pulling back. "And I'll wait forever for you to return my feelings." Lily held his hand.

"Don't wait for me, James." Lily said. "It is my dearest wish that you find someone who loves you dearly." James kissed her cheek.

"We have an order meeting tomorrow." James reminded her. "Make sure you get some sleep." He touched her cheek tenderly. "Call me if you need anything."

"I will." Lily promised. James gave her a warm smile before leaving. With a flick of her wand, Lily took the kettle off the burner and limped into the bedroom. She was covered in dirt and dust from that morning but she didn't care. She was just tired and had too much to think about.

She had forgotten all about The Order. She didn't know how, but she had forgotten that she had recently joined an organization bent on destroying the dark lord, or otherwise known as the man who stole her heart and didn't seem to want to give it back.

Lily wondered when her life had gotten so out of control. It seemed only yesterday she was happily talking with the mysterious voice of her angel. Now she was romantically involved with the dark lord and quite unable to break away from him. With a heavy sigh she wondered if he was thinking about her.

Voldemort was indeed thinking about her. In fact he was supposed to be paying attention to Lucius as he delivered the body count on both sides.

"Give me a number." He said.

"Sir, I just finished telling you the number." Lucius said.

"Tell me again."

Lucius told him again but he barely listened. All he could really think about was how he almost made the auror body count go from five to six. He would have given up and killed Lily eventually if she hadn't looked at him (and then he would have been very sour about not getting what he wanted for the next hour). After mulling that over for a good five minutes he felt tired. He stood up in the middle of the meeting and walked off leaving very confused death eaters behind.

Voldemort walked into a large bathroom and stripped his robes. A good long hot shower was the remedy for many of life's problems. For him at least. That and a well placed killing curse. But unfortunately neither the killing curse nor the shower would be enough to cure this.

He stood in the shower, letting the hot water beat on his ever chilly body, thinking about Lily. He wondered what he would be doing now if she hadn't discovered his identity. He knew they would probably be cuddled up on her floor after talking. They would be sipping tea and his arm would be around her shoulders. The smell of peaches would be filling his nose and her warmth would be making everything vanish. He would go to her in the morning.

What surprised him the most, as he went to bed and slowly drifted to sleep, was that he didn't want to loose her. Despite the uncomfortable feelings love brought him, he wanted to be with her always. And as sleep overcame him, his last thoughts were if he should tell her the three small words he knew she wanted to hear.

TBC

Sorry it took a while. I still don't know if I'm quite happy with it. I think I ended up making Voldie too OOC. But then again he's just thinking. Anyway I hope you guys liked it and I'll try to update soon.


	8. Chapter 7

DC: don't own it

Thanks to my reviewers

Sorry it's taken so long, I've been busy with re-writing a Wicked fic and some original work I just started. Oh, and Fatal Frame 3. I've been addicted to it. Unfortunately the final ghost boss lady person is laying the beat down on me. She's fast (really REALLY cool looking) and I can't seem to hit her with a fatal frame (arg! It makes me long for the simplicity of the Kusabi in FF2) Anyway that's why it's taking so long to update.

Sadly I just realized like two seconds ago that the dividers I put in between the scenes aren't there. So if that was causing anyone confusion, I'm terribly sorry.

Chapter 7,

Lily didn't go to the order meeting the next day. When James called her she said that she must have eaten something that disagreed with her. She spent the entire day in bed, only getting out to go to the bathroom and then to grab a nice pint of double fudge ice cream.

By the end of the day her ice cream was gone and there were tissues all around. She had slept off and on all day while she watched daytime soaps. As seven o'clock rolled around she was bored and miserable. A deadly combination.

She wanted Voldemort to come but whether it was to be near him or to kick the snot out of him she didn't know. She wanted him to feel as miserable as she did. After pondering for hours about what she was most ashamed of, she came to the conclusion that she was ashamed that she was still thinking about the good times with him.

Slowly she got out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom. She had just turned on the shower when there was a knock on the door. She turned the water off and trudged to the door. When she opened it she saw James.

"Hey," he said. He was holding a bottle of medicine.

"Hi." Lily said. Her nose was stuffy, helping her sick lie.

"How are you feeling?"

"I feel like somebody is doing a tap-dance on my head." Lily answered honestly. She knew that the headache was from crying but she wasn't about to tell James that.

"I brought you some medicine, if you need it."

"You're sweet." Lily said with a weak smile. "But I took some earlier."

"Were you sleeping?" James asked. Lily shrugged.

"Off and on."

"Sorry if I woke you."

"Nah, I needed to get up anyway."

"Are you okay?" James asked. Lily shrugged.

"I'm sick but I'm fine."

"I mean about the attack." Lily sat down heavily.

"I guess." She answered after thinking about it. "I mean I think I'm still recovering from shock."

"Dumbledore figured as much. He didn't swallow the sick story. He was like the only one though. I figured it was more of a cold."

"James," Lily said looking at her feet, "I don't know if I can be in The Order."

"Why?"

"I don't think I'm up to it. I mean fell apart last night."

"Lils, the dark lord held a wand to your head and nearly killed you. I don't want to meet the person that is okay after that." Lily sighed. James put an arm around her and offered her his shoulder. Lily took his invitation and rested her head comfortably. They sat like that for a few minutes.

"How's everyone?" Lily asked.

"Well, Sirius is fine. Frank had a whole revelation and realized that life is too short so he proposed to Alice. They'll be getting married this December."

"I can't believe its fall already." Lily said

"Sirius is throwing a Halloween party at his new flat. Will you come?"

"Yeah, I'll come." Lily promised. "Costumes?"

"Lily, it's Sirius."

"I'm not going to dress up like a whore." Lily warned. James laughed.

"As much as Paddy would like that, I'd kill him if he stared." Lily smiled.

---

After James left Lily was finally able to take her shower.

Afterwards, however, she wasn't able to go to bed as there was someone sitting on it.

"You know you really shouldn't do that!" Lily panted as Voldemort helped her up. She had jumped, tripped over her feet and landed in the hall.

"You didn't answer when I knocked." Voldemort said as if he was justified.

"I could have been naked you know!"

"Yes, I know but alas I am not so fortunate." Lily pushed him.

"Perv."

"I am but a man."

"You're lucky you've got a pretty face."

"Or rather had." Voldemort said dryly. "I'm afraid the looks have faded." Lily studied his face for a moment. Compared to the photograph of him as a teenager she had once seen, he looked slightly different. His nose wasn't as long, his hair was a little thinner and his eyes were red instead of deep brown.

"So what brings you here?"

"I want to be your boyfriend." Voldemort said casually. Lily sighed as she brushed her hair.

"I don't think we can work." She said quietly. Voldemort stood.

"Why?" he asked calmly.

"Because I can't keep lying." Lily said putting her brush down. "I'm an honest person by nature."

"It's Potter."

"No it's not Potter!" Lily said loudly. "It's everything else!" Voldemort walked over to her.

"If it's what you want." He said quietly. "You know I cannot deny you." He kissed her hand and then apparated.

Lily sighed and sat on her bed. She would never be free of his spell.

The next day during auror training she noticed that the class was divided about what had happened in The City. Over half of the class was still shaken up. The remaining was pumped up and thirsty for revenge. Lily wasn't either, mainly because nobody had the dilemma she had.

"Lily!" it was Alice. She sat down happily. "Look, Frank proposed!"

"I know, James told me. I'm so happy for you!"

"You'll come to the wedding won't you?"

"Of course." Alice smiled. Her smile faded a bit.

"Are you going to continue? After what happened last class?" Lily sighed.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that I am."

"What do you mean pretty sure?" Sirius asked sitting on Lily's desk. "Don't you want to kick Voldie's ass for what he did?"

'You have no idea' Lily thought to herself. "I guess I've just been thinking about things."

"You're eighteen! What could you possibly have to think about?"

"Well if I want to get married and have kids some day. I mean when we were attacked the reality of the danger in this job just suddenly hit me and…I don't want to end up like Moody."

"I assure you, Miss Evans, that there is nothing wrong with me!" Moody growled from nearby. Lily looked at him.

"I don't mean any offense, sir, but I don't think you could have been this shell shocked all your life."

When the lunch break came James sat with Lily.

"What were you talking about earlier? I mean what do you mean you don't want to do this?"

"I want to do this, but I'm just struggling with myself." Lily said biting into her salad.

"Lils, everybody is having trouble with what happened, in one way or another. Sirius nearly crapped his pants and he threw up when we got home. Frank has had nightmares and Alice is jumpy. And honestly I am to. I keep thinking that there's something behind me. But if we quit, we're letting him win!" James sighed. "We have an order meeting tonight. I hope you'll come."

Lily sighed. "I don't know, I'll try to make it." James patted her shoulder and began eating his lunch.

"We need to advance as soon as possible. Our informants tell us that the death eaters are planning an attack in Kent. We need to stop their attack. This one will be big, Alastor," Moody looked up at his old friend, "how far along are the new trainees that have joined?"

"Those that have joined this organization are high in their class. They are the only few that have been able to cope with the surprise attack on the last testing day." Moody paused. "Will it be that big?"

"Yes, Voldemort himself will be there. Unfortunately, undergraduates won't be able to go." Lily looked up sharply, fortunately nobody noticed. James stood up. "Yes, Mr. Potter?" Dumbledore asked.

"I'll go there."

"The gesture is noble, James, but you aren't ready yet."

"I know that I'm ready! I want to take him down!" James said stubbornly.

"James," Lily said tugging on his sleeve, "sit down!"

"No, I have to go there. I can't just sit around while that bastard keeps killing people!"

"The reason you will not be able to attend this defense is because as you aren't a graduated auror, you are not able to use unforgivable curses on death eaters."

"Fine! I'll rip his head off with my hands! I'll bash him over the head with lead pipes, anything!" Dumbledore looked at James with a slight pride in his eyes. Sirius stood up as well.

"Count me in too, professor."

"Alastor, when is the graduation."

"In a few weeks."

"Move it up, I believe we have some fiery young lads that won't take no for an answer."

"Yes, sir." Moody said with a grin. All the undergraduates in the room cheered. After the meeting they were pumped up and Dumbledore watched them with pride.

TBC

I feel like that's a good place to stop. Fun is to come! If things are slow it's because I'm trying to make it so I'm not rushing (which I've had ppl complain about in other stories) and because I'm re writing/posting a Wicked fic. So in short I'll update as soon as I can. Enjoy!


	9. Chapter 8

DC: don't own it

Thank you to my reviewers

Chapter 8,

The graduation ceremony wasn't as fancy as Lily had imagined. Probably because most of the class was only graduating early because of the big order mission. There were people there, and afterwards most of the graduates partied. But mostly the ceremony consisted of them walking up and picking up a diploma cover.

Lily thought the whole thing was kind of stupid. After all they were just finishing training. The course hadn't lasted more then four or five months give or take. But it did still feel good to be congratulated.

That night there was a party at James and Sirius' flat. They all sat around drinking white wine and talking. Sirius busted out a karaoke machine he had borrowed from Remus and they sang bad covers of different songs.

Finally the crowd began to thin and Lily helped the boys with the clean up.

"So are you going to hand Voldie his ass on a platter with us?" Sirius asked flicking his wand and making paper plates vanish.

"I'm not sure yet." Lily said. "I don't think I'm ready." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"You know I'd slap some sense into you but James would kill me."

"You couldn't take me." Lily said laughing. Sirius stuck his tongue out at her and James laughed.

Dumbledore led the army into battle against the death eaters. The battle frightened Lily and she began to question herself about her chosen career path. She ducked behind some debris as she saw Voldemort. She didn't think he would be there; his appearance had been an uncertainty.

A curse flew her way, Lily dodged and looked at who attacked her. It was obviously Malfoy, his blonde hair poked out of his hood and she could see ice blue eyes behind the mask.

Lucius shot spells at Lily and she managed to evade most of them. Lily saw a jet of blue burst from his wand and as she jumped out of the way it hit her knee. Lily crashed to the ground with her knee feeling like it was being stabbed by white hot knives. The pain was making her dizzy.

She saw a flash of green and then red before she blacked out.

Lily's head hurt. She couldn't quite remember why her head or her knee hurt. She opened her eyes and saw a pale hand putting something on her forehead.

"Don't sit up too fast, that curse will knock you out again." Voldemort said emotionlessly. "That spell will leave you bed ridden for a while. At least you'll have trouble walking around." Voldemort tilted her head back and tipped some potion into her mouth. "I know that I have no right to persuade you to quit being an auror."

"I'll quit being an auror," Lily said coldly, "when you quit being a bloody ass."

"But I strongly recommend that you quit while you can, I won't always be there to keep my death eaters from killing you."

"I don't need you to save me!" Lily cried sitting up. Bad move on her part, it made her head rush and it made her dizzy. She took a moment to clear her head and Voldemort pushed her back against her pillows.

"If I hadn't deflected his curse, then you wouldn't be here."

"That doesn't mean that you need to save me!" Lily cried. "I'm not just some weak little girl that needs saving!" Voldemort leaned over her and looked her square in the eyes.

"Whatever, the point is its dangerous and I don't like it."

"You don't have any control over me." Lily said icily. "It's not like we're married."

"I think we would both kill each other if we were married." Lily looked at him angrily.

"You are the biggest jerk in the world. And you're competing with the memory of James in school!" Lily snapped trying to sit up again. Voldemort splayed his hand over her collarbone and forced her to stay down. He lowered his lips to hers and silenced her with a searing kiss.

Lily didn't bother to fight him. She had missed his kisses. She parted her lips for him and invited him to deepen the kiss. He pulled back and left a light feathery kiss on the tips of her lips.

"I hate you." Lily breathed.

"I know you do." Voldemort said before kissing her again.

Frank and Alice had decided to get married on Christmas Eve. It was going to be an outdoor wedding, in the snow. The idea was beautiful, except for the fact that the bridesmaid dresses were spaghetti strap.

In they compromised, the wedding would be indoors, with an enchanted winter surrounding them. In the end Alice was happier with this, because it meant that she could get the strapless dress she had loved.

December 24 had finally come. After weeks of planning the wedding was finally here. Lily was so happy for her friend. She just knew that one day they would have a family. At the rehearsal dinner, Alice and Lily joked around about one day having children and they would go to Hogwarts together and be friends. Alice had asked if Lily was interested in anybody. She lied and said she wasn't.

Lily was getting ready at home when she felt the familiar presence of the man she loathed and loved.

"You look breathtaking." Voldemort said leaning against the doorframe while Lily put on her makeup. She was dressed in a soft emerald dress with the sleeves going over the end of her shoulders. A long slit went from her knee to the floor and revealed silver high heels. "What's the occasion?"

"A friend of mine is getting married." She looked at Voldemort while she put on lipstick. "Like many they rushed their engagement. You've been putting a scare into people. They think they're going to die any day now."

"I thought the wedding you were going to was next month."

"Weasley wedding." Lily said brushing eye shadow on her eyelids. "They've got one kid now. An injury, caused by one of your death eaters mind you, postponed their wedding. I believe the kid is named Bill. Or maybe Charlie. I can't remember, Molly loved both names."

"So why is it you haven't run off and married somebody?" Voldemort asked.

"I suppose James would be willing." Voldemort's eyes flashed. "Why did you bring it up if you didn't want to hear my answer?" Lily asked, annoyed. She grinned. "Are you jealous?"

"I'm not jealous." Voldemort snapped.

"I'll be dancing with him." His eye flashed again. "Ha! You're jealous!" Voldemort walked quickly over to her and put his hands on her shoulders, effectively keeping her in her seat.

"There is no way in hell I would be jealous of that haughty little pretty boy, you are not my wife nor even my girlfriend so there is no reason for me to be jealous." Lily felt her heart race. He was so sexy when he was jealous.

"It's a beautiful wedding." Remus said watching Mr. and Mrs. Longbottom share their first dance. "They both look so happy."

"Yeah," Lily said dreamily, "it's every girl's dream to marry their prince charming."

"What about you?" Remus asked taking a sip of wine. "Who's your prince charming?"

"I'll let you know when I find him." Lily said. Remus laughed. Lily saw James dancing with a girl she didn't recognize. "Who is James dancing with?"

"Oh, that's Sirius's friend, Sasha. Sirius set them up."

"Oh."

"Jealous?"

"Actually, no." Lily said.

"James kind of hoped you would be." Remus said with a smile. "After all he only dates girls to get your attention."

"I just wish he would get over me." Lily sighed.

"He's been programmed to follow you, jaw flopped open and drooling since third year. It'll take him a while to realize that you two aren't going to be together." Remus said mildly. After the song ended, James came and sat down next to Lily.

"Having fun?"

"A blast." Lily said dryly. It was another love song. She swallowed the rest of her wine and walked off. James followed.

"What's up?"

"I hate slow songs, you know when you can actually see all the happy couples." Lily said. "Especially two in a row."

James took her hands. "Someday you'll find somebody to push around the dance floor and you'll be really happy." Lily smiled a little smile.

"I'm just worried that I'll spend my life chasing a dream."

"Well I've been chasing you pretty much all my life, and I'm not terribly damaged." Lily hugged her friend.

"I wish I would have known what a good person you are back when we were kids." She said. She actually meant it. If James had been her friend she would have without a doubt fallen in love with him and she wouldn't be in this tangled mess of a relationship with the dark lord.

"Lils, I matured so that one day you would notice me as more then just the Potter boy." Lily glanced towards the wedding reception.

"I know how you feel, or how I make you feel."

"I've told you…"

"No, I mean I know what it feels like to be in love with someone that you can't have."

"Who?"

"I can't say."

"It's not Frank is it?"

"No." Lily said with a small laugh. She looked at James. She could imagine what life would have been like with him. She knew that he would be an amazing husband. But what she didn't know is how the gap between them had closed and who kissed who.

They both pulled away. Apparently James didn't know who kissed who either. Lily felt bad. There wasn't a single spark when their should have been fireworks.

"James…"

"I'm sorry."

"…I can't…I have to go." She turned quickly and left.

"You kissed him!" was her greeting when she arrived home.

"What do you spy on me?" Lily cried angrily. "It just happened…it was the heat of the moment…" Lily paused, "wait why am I explaining myself to you?"

"Who kissed who?"

"We both kissed, okay." Lily said stiffly. She pulled her shoes off and walked into her bedroom. "It wasn't like we shagged or anything."

"Shocking." Voldemort had to duck as a book flew at his head. "I thought you didn't like him!"

"And I thought that you weren't jealous of him!" Lily retorted. She took her hair out of the clips and fluffed it a bit. "Besides, not that you care but I didn't feel anything."

"Nothing for the guy you're supposedly perfect for." Voldemort snapped.

"Damn it," Lily said angrily, slamming her brush on the table, "don't you get it? I love you! Okay! I love you! But I can't love you because…because…"

"Because they say you can't."

"Exactly!" Lily cried. "I mean…no…stop confusing me!" She sat heavily on her bed and cried tears of frustration. She felt his weight beside her. He turned her head to face him.

"Then nobody will know." He promised, kissing her softly. "We'll only meet when you want it and we'll stay out of each other's professional lives."

"You have to promise not to read my mind or anything like that." Lily sobbed.

"You have my word." Lily rested her head on his shoulder. Life really wasn't fair at all.

TBC

Once again I'm still toying around with pacing so if it was too fast just let me know. And if Voldie was OOC I apologize…kind of…sort of…not really :runs off drunk on author power:. Enjoy!


	10. Chapter 9

DC: don't own it.

Thank you to my reviewers.

**Some mature content later.**

Chapter 9,

While the rowdy neighbors cheered as midnight came, the only sound in Lily's apartment was the soft clink of glass and the sound of a gentle kiss.

"Happy New Year." Lily whispered kissing Voldemort lightly on the lips. They took a sip of wine. "What do you wish for this year?" she asked putting the glass on the table.

"World domination."

"What is it with evil people and world domination? I mean think of all hassle. You'll be dead within a year from the stress."

"Alright, little miss perfect, what do you want this year?" Lily thought for a moment.

"I don't know, actually, I mean I have somebody that makes me happy, I can't just be selfish and ask for more."

"You can if you want."

"Voldemort, I'm still a teenager and I'm experiencing what most girls don't experience until mid twenties." Lily took another drink. She looked up into his eyes. She started to laugh softly.

"You girls, you never stop giggling."

"We have the most unusual relationship." Lily said. "Even now, I'm unsure of whether I love you or hate you." Voldemort sipped his wine. He really didn't know what to say to that.

He moved behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

"Well I admit that I feel the same." He leaned close to her. "You drive me crazy." Lily leaned back against his chest and pulled his arms around her.

"When James kissed me, I kept wondering why I didn't feel anything." Lily admitted. "I mean you…you're dangerous, and dark...there's the rational side of me that says I should be with him, but I can't…" she took in a sharp breath as she felt his warm mouth on her neck.

"We're both going to hell." Voldemort whispered against her neck, his hot breath tickled her skin. "So we might as well enjoy the ride." Lily turned her head back and kissed his temple as he kissed her shoulder. He cupped her breast with his hand and Lily didn't resist him.

He captured her lips and slid his tongue into her mouth. With some difficulty, Lily turned in his arms and caressed his chest. Voldemort kissed her chin and kissed down her neck.

Lily felt his need for her against her thigh and moaned softly. "I can't…believe…we're doing this." She breathed in between kisses. Voldemort stood and lifted her.

"Let's go somewhere more comfortable." He suggested sensually. Lily had no idea that he could be sensual.

The morning sun filtered in through the curtains and into Lily's eyes. She grumbled a bit and sat up. Something heavy tumbled down to her thighs and she looked down. She saw a pale hand. The memory of the night before came back and she smiled.

It was still early, Lily decided to lie back down. She looked at the sleeping lord of darkness. She had never seen him sleep and somewhere the inner child was shocked. It was amazing how he looked so sweet and innocent when he slept.

She watched him sleep, occasionally she brushed strands of his thin black hair from his face. She propped her head up on her elbow and played with the hand that rested limply on his chest.

As she caressed his hand she remembered the pleasure his graceful fingers had brought her the night before.

"Should I always expect you to watch me as I sleep?" Lily jumped a bit and dropped his hand.

"How long have you been awake?" she asked, her cheeks pink. Voldemort shrugged. He pulled Lily down and she rested her head on his chest. The sound of his heart comforted her a bit. "I can't believe we did that." Lily said with a smile. "I mean we hate each other."

"I hate you too." Voldemort said tiredly. Lily looked at him and smiled softly. Something about the way he said it told her that he meant it differently. Lily rested her head on his chest. It was the most bizarre relationship in the world. She smiled into his chest, she loved him so much.

She hated him so much!

"It's not like I'm keeping anything a secret!" Voldemort had said angrily and defensively. "You know who I am and I know who you are! Besides how was I supposed to know that you were behind him?"

"It's called opening your eyes and looking!" Lily snapped.

"It's a battle, Lily, things happen in battle!"

"That's your excuse? You don't see me firing curses at your arse!" Voldemort massaged his temple with one hand.

"Just be happy that it wasn't the killing curse." He said calmly. "It's not like it was that bad."

"Not that bad! You fired a bloody cruciatus curse at my back!" Lily said loudly flinging a curse at his chest.

"You're overreacting." Voldemort retorted, just as loudly, throwing a curse at her.

"I can't talk to you!" Lily seethed before leaving.

That had been an hour ago. Now she was back at home ready for a hot bath. They had met again in battle. Only this time they didn't say goodnight with a passionate kiss. They said goodnight with a spell or two aimed for each other's heart. Voldemort had left with a burn on his chest and Lily with a nasty gash on her shoulder.

She had bandaged her wound in water-resistant bandages, drew a hot bath and poured a glass of wine. She lit candles and tried to relax in the tub, however, when the hot water hit her back she yelped in pain and jumped out of the water.

Lily looked at her back in the mirror and she saw a large red mark from where his curse had hit her. With a cry of frustration she threw her towel down and drained the water. Lily stormed into the kitchen and wrenched open the medicine cabinet. She picked up a potion bottle labeled Flamz Burn Salve. Lily turned the bottle around and read the info on the back.

Use on burns caused by:

Cauldrons

Fire

Minor curses

Burns by potions should be treated with Flamz Potion Burn Salve

For burns caused by powerful curses should be treated at your local hospital

"I swear to god I'm going to rip his throat out." Lily grumbled as she grabbed her coat and left for St. Mungos.

Lily had only been to the magical hospital once before and that was when a serious potions accident had melted a large chunk of flesh off of her arm. The place had changed quite a bit since then. Now there was a wing dedicated to aurors.

After waiting for what seemed like hours, Lily was taken back and ordered to take her shirt off so she could be examined. A nurse with wispy grey hair examined her. She touched the burn and talked to her assistant.

"What is the cause?"

"Cruciatus curse." Lily said.

"How old is it?"

"I got it this afternoon."

"You aurors are getting younger and younger." The nurse muttered. "What I'll be doing is applying a salve to your injury. It will sting a bit." Lily winced as the salve was rubbed onto her back. The nurse tapped Lily's shoulder with her wand and healed the gash. After she was finished she scribbled a prescription and handed it to Lily. "Use the salve twice a day, you're lucky to still be healthy."

"Yeah." Lily mumbled. She took the slip of paper and went to Diagon Ally for the prescription.

"Lily!" it was Remus. "Oh, I'm happy to see that you're alright." Lily smiled at her friend. "I'd give you a hug but I bet you're still hurting."

"Like hell."

"Medicine?"

"Yeah, I got hit by a nasty curse."

"The boys are completely bedridden." Remus said with a sigh. "I swear those idiots are going to get themselves killed."

"Probably, but you know they'll take a couple death eaters with them."

"Yeah." Remus sighed.

"I have to go. The sick need their medicine." Remus said indicating to a bag. He gave Lily a gentle hug and left.

Putting the salve on was easier said then done. Lily found that she couldn't really reach the burn in the center of her back and the parts she could reach ended up in agonizing pain because her nails usually ended up scraping against it. She cried out in frustration, stamped her feet and squeezed her eyes closed. She couldn't believe what a bad day she was having.

When she opened her eyes again she saw a rose in the slender pale fingers of the man she currently loathed. Lily turned around about to say something (or rather yell) to him when she realized that she was in fact topless, and he wasn't being very discreet when it came to looking.

"Pervert!" Voldemort took hold of her shoulders, turned her around and dipped his fingers into the salve and rubbed it gently on her back. "What are you doing here?" Lily asked.

"To apologize for the gash on your shoulder."

"My shoulder!" Lily cried. "My shoulder is the least of my worries!"

"I came to tell you that the next time our sides clash, don't be there."

"You can't order me around like one of your slaves." She felt his head next to hers. She saw their reflection in the mirror.

"If you go, you will without a doubt be killed. This war is getting vicious and I do not want to have to burry you." Lily couldn't keep the brief moment of surprise from her face. She looked at their reflection for a few moments.

"I'm not afraid of you or your gang." Lily said quietly. "And I'm not going to back down just because it's dangerous." Voldemort turned her around.

"I'm only warning you. You know what this is becoming, Lily, and you are a smart girl."

"Voldemort, will you stop your hunt on muggle borns?"

"We've discussed this."

"Will you? Yes or no."

"No."

"Then that's my answer to you." Lily said. "Now, if you don't mind I am very tired and I would like to go to bed." Voldemort gave her a cold look. He nodded his head to her and left. Lily turned angrily and stormed off to bed.

"I can't believe he's trying to control me again, that jerk! I can't believe I ever liked him!" Lily complained, pulling her pajamas on and getting into bed. "God I hate him."

TBC

This chapter would have either cleared up a little bit of curiosity about what their relationship is like. Or it's made you more confused. Either way I still like this chapter a lot.


	11. Chapter 10

DC: on chapter 1

Thank you to my lovely reviewers.

Not much to ramble about so I'll just get right to the story.

Chapter 10,

This had been by far the biggest fight they had ever gotten into. Voldemort felt angry at Lily for not giving him what he wanted, but he also felt a little jerky. Kind of like one of those overbearing boyfriends who wants to keep the little woman locked up at home. Walking through the halls of the manor he wondered when he had developed actual emotions, and more importantly how to make them vanish. He wasn't entirely sure that he could handle the roller coaster relationship he was involved in.

He had never been emotional. Perhaps it was because he had been different all his life. He had never really been loved by anyone, so naturally he didn't know what to make of it. His love had always been in things rather then people. Things couldn't complicate a relationship, things didn't have a mind of their own, they just sat there until moved.

But, a small voice in the back of his head reminded him, things can't do what you and Lily did the other night, at least not as effectively. A small smile spread across his lips at the memory of New Years with Lily.

Somewhere in the background death eaters were returning from a small mission. He overheard them bickering about who was going to tell their lord that the mission had been foiled by a red head and two men with dark hair.

Voldemort thanked god that his back was to them or they would have seen the grin on his face. He found it very amusing that Lily had been able to not only handle herself, but able to beat up the three guys he had sent on the mission.

He sighed. He was due for dinner with the Malfoy family.

Lucius and Voldemort were having brandy in the study. Narcissa had prepared a large plate of miniature cinnamon cakes, complete with a no-stick charm to avoid messy fingers getting on her beautiful furniture.

"Darling, you have a call. It's very important." Lucius looked at Voldemort.

"My Lord, I'm afraid I must excuse myself for just a moment." Voldemort gave a casual wave of his hand and Lucius left. Voldemort looked around the room. Several books were stacked on the desk. Curious, Voldemort picked one up.

10 EASY STEPS TO AN EASY RELATIONSHIP

Curious, Voldemort opened it.

SHOW HER THAT YOU LOVE HER

There was that blasted word again. Voldemort read the passage and stopped on a bullet under a flashy title saying Helpful Hints.

-Nothing says I love you more then a romantic candle lit dinner

-Surprise her with dinner

-In the dog house? Make it up to her by giving her a spa treatment, right at home.

Voldemort closed the book and sat back down. Lily had been ignoring him for the past week. All his owls went unanswered and usually the letter was returned, crumpled. It was a bother and he wondered why he was even trying so hard. Lucius came back in, apologized, and they went back to talking about a simple topic. Who they were going to kill next.

What frustrated Lily the most was that she couldn't talk to anybody about her problems with Voldemort. Such a frustrating boyfriend required a best friend to complain to.

She walked up the stairs to her apartment with a cappuccino in one hand and a small stack of paperwork tucked in her elbow to find a cloaked figure waiting for her.

"I wasn't expecting you until I was in the tub or doing something else that is usually private." Lily said dryly.

"And to think I missed your tender love." Voldemort responded just as dryly.

"What are you doing here?"

"You've been ignoring me."

"So? I'm mad at you." Lily said opening her door and walking in. When she didn't close it in his face he took it as a good sign and followed her.

"I'm still not entirely sure why." Lily put her stuff down. "If it is about the curse then I assure you I had no idea that it was you."

"I'm mad because you are trying to control my life. You keep telling me where not to go and what not to do. I'm a big girl, Voldemort, I can take care of myself. I can't help but wonder if you still see me as a child."

"Let it be made clear that I have never seen you as a child." Voldemort told her firmly. "I have always viewed you as a mature young woman. I do not want to see you dead in battle." Lily took off her shoes and sat on the sofa. After a few moments Voldemort sat next to her.

"This is too hard." Lily said after a while. "I've never been so deep in love that it hurts." Voldemort took her hand. He didn't say anything when he knew that he should.

They made up as they always did. Voldemort had managed to give her somewhat of a spa night. He prepared a hot bath for her, poured her a glass of wine and rubbed her tense shoulders. To his surprise he managed to put her to sleep and work all the knots from her muscles.

He had carried her to bed and kissed her forehead. He looked at her and felt the familiar tension in the pit of his stomach. He wanted to give her the world all while wanting to rip her to shreds. He wanted to tell her the pain he felt but for the first time he was at a loss for words. It surprised him because he had always been so eloquent. He could talk anybody into anything. Which was why Borgan always kept him around. He could talk people into parting with their precious treasures. He had talked Slughorn into teaching him about splitting his soul.

He had split his soul five times. It had taken its toll on his body. He was no longer the heartthrob he had been. He was still handsome, but his eyes were no longer deep brown but red and his hair was thin. His skin was forever pale. Personally he didn't find himself that handsome anymore.

But she did. Lily loved him despite his darkness (one of the many mysteries he knew he would _never_ solve). He knew that she wanted to hear that he felt the same, but he couldn't tell her. He wondered if he ever would.

Lily had received an owl that Voldemort wanted to meet her in the woods outside of Hogsmead.

The snow was falling. Lily was early and she knew it so she stopped in the tea shop for a warm drink.

"Mr. Potter, I noticed that our dear Miss Evans was absent." Dumbledore said.

"I talked to her today; she said she was going to be here. Something must have come up."

"I see, well I'll talk to her later then."

"I'll tell her that you were asking for her." James said. "I was going to go check up on her anyway." Dumbledore smiled.

"Thank you." The old man said kindly. "Have a safe trip home."

After nearly forty five minutes of tea and a muffin Lily left the café and headed for the woods.

The snow was still falling. Lily hugged her coat closer and walked on. She made it into the clearing and sat on the old stump. Voldemort would be there soon.

She wasn't alone for very long, she heard the crunching of snow and looked up to see the black cloaked Lord Voldemort leaning against a tree. Lily stood up and walked towards him.

"Have you been here long?" he asked.

"I was in the village for a bit." She handed him a package. He opened it. It was a cinnamon bun with a warming charm on it.

"Lily,"

"You said you liked them," Lily said, "and I didn't have anything to do this afternoon." Voldemort touched her cheek and showed her in his own way that he appreciated it. "I don't know when your birthday is."

"It's passed."

"Oh?"

"December 31st." Voldemort said. "But don't worry, I'm more then pleased with how we celebrated." Lily blushed deeply. Voldemort chuckled. Suddenly Lily wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his. Voldemort was taken by surprise but he didn't push her away. Lily parted her lips and invited his tongue, and as usual he gave her what she wanted.

When they broke apart, Voldemort looked deep into her eyes and saw endless pools of warmth and love.

"I take it you don't hate me anymore."

"Let's not go that far. I love you, but I strongly dislike you." Lily said. She rested her head on his chest and squeezed him tight. "Just don't push it." She said.

"How can you love me while you dislike me?" Voldemort asked.

"Well just because I love you doesn't mean I have to like you."

"Fair enough." Lily kissed his cheek.

"I have to get going, I have work to do. I just wanted to see you."

"Owl me." Voldemort ordered. He turned and left her in the clearing.

The next day Dumbledore paid Lily a visit.

"Oh, professor, what a surprise." Lily said. "Won't you come in?"

"Yes, but I'm afraid I can't stay long." Dumbledore looked at her. Lily felt nervous. "I was hoping to see you yesterday at the meeting. You've been putting almost double the effort in the missions you've been on."

"Is that bad?"

"No, it's not bad. Just as a rule I tend to check up on people who do such." Lily was curious as to why. "You see on more then one occasion Voldemort's spies have performed in a way that it was obvious that they were trying too hard."

"Professor, I swear that I am not…"

"Miss Evans I simply want some answers." Lily felt the sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach. Inside she was screaming he knows everything.

"I'll give what I can." Lily said.

"Are you involved with the death eaters?"

"I swear to you upon my mother's grave that I am not. I never will join them."

"I have not yet judged, Miss Evans, but last night I saw you in Hogsmead, I tried to call you to talk when I saw you leave for the woods. Human curiosity got the better of me and I saw you in the clearing with Voldemort." Lily paled.

"Professor…I…"

"I know that you are a good person, Lily, but sometimes good people make bad choices. I simply want to know where you stand."

"I met him before I knew who he was. After already forming a friendship I learned his name was Tom Riddle. It wasn't until later I discovered who he really was."

"Have you given information to him?" Dumbledore asked.

"I have not. I would know if he was reading my mind. He gave me his word that he wouldn't."

"You'll understand why I'm asking you to leave the order." Lily nodded, her eyes burning with tears. Dumbledore sensed her tears and put a hand on her shoulder. "You have not lost my respect by any means. Having taught Tom I know how charming and manipulative he can be. But it is because of that reason alone I cannot take any chances." Lily nodded. "Now, I must take my leave."

"Professor," Lily said quickly as he turned. Dumbledore looked back at her. "Please don't tell anyone. My friends are all I have." Dumbledore gave her an understanding look.

"You can tell them what you wish. This secret is yours to share or keep."

"Thank you professor." Dumbledore nodded and left. Shaking, Lily walked into her bedroom and sat on her bed. Everything was crashing down around her, and naturally what she ended up thinking about most was Voldemort. Only this time she began to dread what was going to happen to him when the order finally captured him.

Lily had never really given it much thought before, but eventually Voldemort would be killed. Not ever bothering to change into her pajamas, Lily crawled under the covers, pulled them over her head, curled up, and pretended that nothing bad was happening.

TBC

Sorry it took so long. I wrote a first draft and I really hated it so I wrote it again. Anyway I'll update as soon as I can. XD


	12. Chapter 11

DC: don't own it

Thank you to my reviewers.

I'm so happy that this story is doing well. I was worried about Dumbledore in the last chapter, I didn't know if I should have made him really angry or mellow about the whole thing. So finally after reading the Voldie memories in book six I was able to settle on an understanding Dumbledore. Sigh. People are complicated.

Chapter 11,

"So you left The Order!" James cried. "Why!" Lily sighed. Sirius, Remus, James and Peter were watching her anxiously over their coffee.

"Because I've nearly died three times, I've people I care about die, I can't handle it anymore." Lily said. She had been rehearsing all night. There was some truth into what she said.

"But Lily, we're saving people!" Sirius whined.

"Look, I don't expect you guys to understand." Lily said. "I'll still be an auror. I want to start settling down. I realized that I want a family some day and I can't do this anymore."

"Well it's your choice." Remus said just as James and Sirius opened their mouths to protest. "We all want what you think is best." Lily smiled thankfully at Remus.

"Thank you for understanding." She said.

"So you left the order?" Voldemort asked. Lily shook her head no.

"Dumbledore found out about us."

"What did you tell him?" Voldemort asked emotionlessly.

"I told him that I'm your enslaved sex kitten." Lily said. Voldemort glared. "I told him the truth, okay. He knows that you're a charming asshole and people are usually putty in your hands."

"You told him everything?"

"What was I supposed to do? Lie to him? He's Albus Dumbledore! Also, I'm not very good at lying!"

"I can't believe you told him." Lily frowned. "I haven't told anybody, it's not hard to keep it a secret."

"Probably because you're stupid little slaves would abandon you if they knew you were sleeping with someone like me!" Voldemort shook his head. "I mean they don't even know that your father was a muggle." Voldemort looked at her coldly.

"And they never will know that little detail." He sighed. "I have to go attend to other matters…"

"Like blowing up my friends?"

"…I will see you later." Voldemort finished stiffly. He kissed her cheek and left.

Lily rolled her eyes and went into the bathroom. She threw her clothes into the hamper and turned the shower on. She had a headache and her stomach was jumpy. Like she always did, she wondered when the bottom fell out of her life. She wondered if she would ever be able to go back to a time when she wasn't frustrated out of her mind.

After her shower, Lily brushed her hair and changed into a white t-shirt and jeans. She walked into the kitchen and looked at the calendar. January 31st. Lily swallowed hard. She looked at each individual date. She didn't see the little red dots she used to mark her periods.

"Stress," Lily whispered, "it's just stress."

Her palms were beginning to sweat. Her mind went blank, she couldn't remember if Voldemort used a condom or not.

"Okay, okay calm down. I'll just take a test. No use worrying unless I have to."

Lily walked quickly down the aisle of the drugstore and found the pregnancy tests. The cruel irony was that they were in the middle of the condoms and the diapers. Lily looked around quickly and picked up a test with the shortest waiting time.

The last thing she wanted was to go to a male cashier. Lily stood in line behind a plump woman with a baby, she recognized her to be Molly Weasley.

"Lily! Hi!" Molly said brightly as she put several packages of diapers on the conveyer belt. Lily saw the baby in the cart look up at her with a toothless grin. Her palms began to sweat. "What brings you here?"

"Uh," she grabbed a magazine quickly from the rack, "reading material." She lied. However as she held up the magazine the pregnancy test fell to the ground.

"You're expecting?"

"I'm late and I just want to be sure." Lily mumbled.

"I didn't know you were seeing anyone."

"Uh, yeah, it's getting pretty serious." The cashier told Molly what she owed and she paid. Lily felt ready to die. "Actually I forgot something so…" she turned and crashed into James. Quickly, Lily tossed the test onto the belt and hoped James didn't see.

"Hey Lils."

"See you later, Lily!" Molly said before leaving with her infant son.

"So today we were talking and…"

"Price check on register seven." The woman said. Lily grew pale. James looked over her shoulder.

"A pregnancy test?" James asked calmly. Lily had no idea why, but she felt unbelievably terrible.

"It's not what you think." Lily said automatically.

"Well, maybe I'm not the best at cracking codes, but I think that a pregnancy test means that you may be pregnant."

"It's for a friend."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Lils, we aren't dating or anything."

"Miss," Saya turned around and paid for the test.

"I have to go die now." Lily muttered. She ran out of the store and to her apartment. It was like a nightmare.

She was sitting on the toilet with her eyes focused on the ground. The timer had gone off but she couldn't bring herself to look at the test. It was one thing for her to be involved with Voldemort, but something completely different to give him a child. She heard someone come in and her heart began to race.

"Lily, are you okay?" it was James. Lily let out the breath she was holding.

"Yeah." She lied. James looked in the bathroom.

"So what's the result?"

"I haven't looked." Lily told him. "I'm to scared."

"Do you want me to look for you?" James asked. Lily nodded. James picked up the stick and looked at it. "Honestly, I have no idea what I'm looking at." Lily laughed weakly. He picked up the box and read the instructions.

"What color is it?" Lily asked.

"Blue."

"Oh god." James knelt down and took her hands.

"Lils, it's okay, everything will be okay." He tore a piece of toilet paper off of the roll and dabbed her cheeks lightly. "I know that whoever you chose loves you, and he'll love this baby too." Lily sniffed.

"I'm scared, James, I'm scared of being a mother."

"Just today you said that you wanted to have a family."

"I wanted to be married first." Lily told him. "I wanted to have a sturdy marriage and a home. I'm living in a one bedroom apartment."

"Who is the father?" James asked.

"You don't know him." Lily lied. "What's that noise?"

James pulled out a small mirror. "That's Sirius." He looked at the mirror. "What?"

"Where are you? Why aren't you here for poker night? Remus has already busted and I need someone to challenge me!"

"I'm a little tied up." James said.

"God, fine." Sirius groaned. "Stupid James." He added before hanging up. Lily smiled weakly.

"You should go."

"Are you sure? I'll stay here with you if you want."

"Yeah, I'm sure, I need to figure out how I'm going to tell my boyfriend." James nodded. He helped her stand and she walked him to the door. "Thanks." She said.

"It's nothing." James said. Lily hugged him. "If you need anything, call me."

"I will." James kissed her cheek and smiled warmly at her. "I'll call you tomorrow." He nodded.

"Bye."

"Bye."

"You haven't eaten much." Voldemort said.

"Do you ever think about the future?" Lily asked suddenly.

"Every day. I have to or Dumbledore's resistance will win."

"No, I mean your own future. Like family and such."

"Why do you ask?" Lily shrugged. "Are you doing the girl thing?"

"Girl thing?"

"You know, the girl thing, when girls ask where the relationship is going."

"Uh, yeah, a little." Lily answered. "I just want to know where you stand with family and stuff."

"Don't really want one." Voldemort answered firmly. "I've never had one and I'm having a hard enough time with a girlfriend."

"See, it doesn't really pay to be emotionally dead all your life." Lily teased. Voldemort leaned over and kissed her lightly. "I think you'd really like family if you gave it a chance."

"I can assure you I wouldn't. You know my grandfather emotionally abused my mother. My uncle was a blundering idiot. My father was a pompous ass. So as you see, I have no desire to father children or engage in the tangled tragedy that is family."

"I see." Lily said quietly. Voldemort put his hand on hers.

"We're having fun, let's not spoil it with future talk. You're only nineteen, you still have all your life to think about those things." Lily forced a smile.

"You're right, it's not like we have to rush anything."

"I'll owl you as soon as I can." Voldemort promised. He pulled Lily close and kissed her. Lily couldn't help but wonder how many more of his kisses she would be able to enjoy.

Out of nowhere Lily envisioned Voldemort in white robes and herself in a white gown. Then they were walking through a park, Voldemort was pushing a carriage with their little baby giggling and playing with a toy. Then their child was a teenager, graduating from Hogwarts.

Voldemort pulled away and gave her a rare smile. Lily wanted it to go somewhere. She wanted to wake up every morning with him by her side. She wanted to have the baby with him.

"I want to have a baby." Lily said before she could stop herself. The warmth faded away from his eyes.

"I don't." Voldemort said firmly. He left without another word. Lily's eyes filled with tears. She knew right then that she would have to choose between him and her baby. Voldemort didn't compromise. He didn't care about anybody's feelings. He killed people who disagreed with him.

Lily sat on her sofa with a box of tissues. The decision shouldn't have been so hard. After all she didn't even know she was pregnant until that morning, and she had told James that she didn't want to be a mother.

But the daydream was so beautiful. She looked down at her stomach. There was a small little baby in there. She was only four weeks, she still had twenty weeks before it was illegal to get an abortion. It's not like she was terribly attached, after all. Voldemort was right after all, she was only nineteen, she still had her whole life ahead of her.

But it was her baby. It was something that she and the man she loved created while they expressed their love.

Lily curled up and pulled a blanket over herself and drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

TBC

Okay there's chapter 11. I hope you enjoyed it. Review!


	13. Chapter 12

DC: don't own it

Thank you to my reviewers.

I'm so happy that so many people like this story. happy happy writer Sorry I haven't been updating as quickly, my friend taught me how to make videos to post on and I've been going crazy over making them. Unfortunately I can't seem to get animated ones to work but I'm close. Anyway the point is I'm going to most likely be making a video for this story (if my sims will behave) but I'm not sure.

Anyway, now that I've bored you to tears, enjoy the story.

Chapter 12,

Voldemort made it to Lily's apartment to find something he absolutely did not want to see.

The place was almost completely destroyed. Outside he had seen his mark. Somebody was going to pay dearly.

He walked around the apartment looking at the wreckage and searching for something, anything, to alert him that Lily was alright.

He didn't find anything. Her shoes and coat were still by the door, only in a charred heap. Her purse was on the floor with a strap broken and he saw blood on the white carpet.

Voldemort felt a strange and very unusual sensation in his throat and behind his eyes. His normally calm and collected mind was racing a mile a minute trying to process everything he saw. But he couldn't get his head around the fact that Lily was killed by death eaters. His death eaters. Voldemort walked into her bedroom and found and searched through the drawers of the nightstand for something to remember her by. Perhaps a piece of jewelry. A bottle of her favorite perfume weighed in his pocket.

He found a photograph and smiled. Lily had taken a picture of them together. It was one of the rare times he had actually smiled. He remembered how she begged him to let her take the picture.

He pocketed the picture and left the apartment without daring to look back.

"Hey! She's awake!" Sirius said brightly. Lily moaned as bright light hit her eyes.

"Where am I?"

"Party Central." Sirius said, grinning like a fool. James shoved him aside.

"Our flat." He said. "Death eaters attacked your place. They gave you a nasty head injury but nothing terrible." Lily sat up and looked around. The place was an absolute mess. It looked like it totally belong to two bachelors. She was sure that there was something growing out of what looked like a pizza box, from a pizza place that closed down two months ago.

"Sorry the place is such a mess." James said. "We haven't gotten around to tidying up."

"I think that pizza is alive." Lily said. James laughed. He flicked his wand and the box was gone.

"You can stay here until you find a new place." James said.

"Or until you marry Jamie." Sirius added. James threw a pillow at Sirius. "Anyway kiddies, I have a date."

"Have fun." James said. Sirius waved to them and left. "So are you hungry?"

"Yeah, I suppose." Lily looked around groggily as James left to make her something to eat. She didn't remember much. She just remembered coming home and a death eater was there with a partner, she recognized as either Macnair or Goyle, she couldn't remember. They threw a spell at her, a killing curse by the look of it, and she ran.

She had managed to dodge their attacks, finally, as they blew up her end table, something hard hit her head. She managed to apparate before a killing curse hit her. She wasn't entirely sure where she wound up though.

"Where was I when you found me?" Lily asked.

"You landed on Sirius's snowman." James said pointing out the window to a lump of snow with a human shape in it. "He'll be demanding a new one once your better." Lily laughed softly. "You should lie low for a while." James said. "Especially now that you're prego."

"Thanks." Lily muttered dryly. James gave her a one armed hug.

"Look, if you need anything you can always come to me." Lily smiled at him.

"Thanks, James, really."

"It's nothing." He looked slightly flushed. They ate grilled cheese sandwiches in a comfortable silence and then they ended up watching television until late when James fell asleep.

But Lily couldn't sleep. Now that she didn't have anything to distract her, all she could think about what how two death eaters tried to kill her. Voldemort wanted her dead. Lily felt a stab of betrayal when that thought hit her. Perhaps he was tired of having someone like her as a lover, or perhaps he knew about the baby.

Either way, Lily couldn't shake the aching feeling in her heart. She still loved him, and she knew that she always would. She looked at James, peacefully sleeping. She did care about him. Quite a lot actually. Maybe it was time that she stopped chasing a dream and looked at what was right in front of her.

Lily shook her head no. She couldn't betray Voldemort like that.

'But he betrayed you first' a voice in her head told her. 'He didn't even try to off you himself, he sent two of his lackeys to do the job for him!' Lily sighed. She had a headache.

"So have you told your boyfriend that you're okay?" James asked over breakfast. Lily shook her head no.

"We broke up." She told him.

"Are you going to tell him about the baby?" James asked. Lily shook her head no.

"He doesn't think highly of family. He'd be happier never knowing." Lily sighed after she spoke. She took a bite of egg so she wouldn't have to say anything else. The dream of Voldemort and her happy family came back again.

"Hey, what do you say we go somewhere?" Lily shrugged.

"Sure why not."

"You're distracted." James said as they walked down a snowy street in downtown London.

"I'm thinking."

"About what?"

"I've been such an idiot." Lily said. James heard tears in her voice. She squeezed James's hand. "I had this delusion that my boyfriend cared about me."

"Everybody breaks up, Lils." James said gently. "I'm sure he cared a great deal about you when you first went out."

"He doesn't know how to love." Lily said bitterly. "He doesn't care about anyone. I was so stupid to think that I would be the one exception." James stopped and turned Lily's head to look at him.

"Everybody hurts after breaking up." James said. "I'm positive that soon you'll be able to forget about him and open your heart to someone else."

They had the moment again. The moment where Lily saw everything she should be in his eyes, next thing she knew was that she was kissing him. To her surprise he pushed her away, gently.

"Lily, I know that I would hate myself forever if I kissed you back." James told her firmly, but warmly. "Maybe one day we can be together, but right now you're upset and vulnerable." Lily blushed. James kissed her cheek softly. "I look forward to that day."

They walked in silence back to the Leaky Cauldron. Once in the old pub, they apparated back home.

Voldemort had never felt pain like this before. The moment he returned he demanded to see the death eaters responsible.

Goyle and Rookwood. He led them away. When they were alone he put spells around the room and yelled until he was hoarse. He threw them around, snapped their wands, hit them, kicked them, he clawed their skin off in chucks with his nails.

Then, as they looked up at him with confusion and agony, he took out a long knife with a golden handle, used for decoration. He didn't raise a wand to them. He grabbed Rookwood by the throat and jammed the knife into his stomach, he slammed the man against the wall and with powerful force he wrenched the knife up to his neck and pulled it out.

He turned to Goyle.

"Why? Master why?" Voldemort drove the knife into Goyle's heart.

"Because you killed her." Voldemort snarled, cutting him down to his right hip. He threw the dagger down and returned to his chambers. He shed his robes and continued on into the massive bathroom.

He soaked in a boiling hot bath. He had never lost anyone before. He wasn't used to feeling regret. He had wanted to go over and see her that night, if only he had. Then he would have saved her.

Voldemort rested his head on a velvet pillow and folded his arms across his stomach. The water didn't comfort him. The feeling in his throat was back, as was the feeling behind his eyes. He wondered if this was what he mother had felt when the muggle left.

After his bath he made his way to bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. He turned his head and looked out the window. He sighed.

So this was true pain.

Little did Voldemort know, Lily was alive and watching the lights of London from the window of the guest room thinking the same thing.

TBC

Finally I was able to settle on a chapter. I knew what I wanted but I had about a hundred ways of making it happen. This one appealed to me more though. Anyway enjoy.


	14. Chapter 13

DC: on chapter 1

Thank you to my reviewers.

Chapter 13,

"Awww, look at this one." Sirius cooed holding up a onesie with a snitch on it.

"Or this one!" James showed as similar outfit with a quaffle on it.

"What if it's a girl?" Lily asked. The boys looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

Lily had been living with Black and Potter for three months. Sirius was moving out and in with his girlfriend and Lily was becoming James's roommate. She had a doctors appointment in an hour that was going to tell them the gender of her baby. Both Sirius and James were excited and giddy. Lily looked at Remus for some support.

"Let them have their fun." Remus said with a smile. "After all how often does a baby come into their lives?"

"If that baby knows what's good for it, it'll stay in there until they mature." Lily said. Remus laughed and the other two looked at him questioningly.

"Miss Evans, I have the gender of your baby." The doctor said happily. Lily couldn't tell who was more excited, James or Sirius. Both were praying for a boy. Remus was sitting on a roller chair next to her and smiling pleasantly with one leg crossed over the other. The doctor opened the envelope and smiled. "Miss Evans, in four months you will give birth to a baby boy."

"YES!" James and Sirius cheered. Lily put her hands to her mouth and cried with joy.

On their way out, James turned to Lily and asked the question they were all thinking.

"So what are you going to name him?"

"I like the name Harry." Lily said.

"You should name him something cool." Sirius said. "Something like, The Destroyer!"

"Why yes that would be a perfect name, for a battleship." Lily said dryly. James and Remus sniggered and Sirius glared at her.

"You're lucky you're preggie or I'd pay you back for that." Sirius sighed. "How about…ooh…Voldemort Killer!" Lily felt a pang of betrayal and pain in her heart but pushed it aside.

"How about not."

"Make his middle name Crack." Sirius suggested with a grin.

"Harry Crack Evans?" Remus said. Sirius and James howled with laughter.

"Or better yet, Harry Crack Potter." Lily and Remus rolled their eyes and walked off leaving the howling boys behind.

"So are you excited about having a son?" Remus asked as they walked down the street.

"Yeah, I mean you all are so great and I feel like I'm surrounded by family." Remus put his arm around her shoulder and gave her a one armed hug. James and Sirius caught up to them and they all walked home.

James and Lily were at the baby department store picking out all sorts of things. They were looking at cradles when James spoke.

"You'll make a beautiful mother, Lily." James noticed that Lily was cradling the teddy bear they were going to get for little Harry like a baby.

"Can I help you with anything?" a sales person asked.

"I think we're good." James said.

"What do you recommend for strollers?" Lily asked.

"Well you want one that will let you look at the baby." the woman said leading them off to the side. James followed, slightly sour. He didn't like sales help all that much. "Might I suggest this one?" Lily looked at the model while James lagged behind.

He had gotten into the habit of admiring her from afar again. Pregnant suited her quite well. She had been showing for a while now, and it seemed that week by week the bump was getting bigger. Lily looked back at him with a smile, her deep red hair over her shoulder and her emerald eyes sparkling.

She returned to him shortly.

"Did you find a good one?" he asked. Lily nodded. They wrapped up their shopping and paid for their items.

"Is this going to be your first? An elderly woman asked as she rang up their items. Lily nodded. "It's always nice to see young couples having their first baby." James looked at Lily. He put his arm around her and she smiled at him.

Back at home they began setting up the nursery. James had just finished assembling the crib when he stopped and looked at Lily.

"I've been thinking about what that woman said about it." Lily, who was wall papering the walls with snitches and quaffles, stopped and looked at him. James came over and took her hand. "I want to be your boyfriend, maybe even someday your husband." Lily couldn't answer. Her throat was tight. Probably in an act to protect herself, her mind blocked out every thought of Voldemort and pushed words from her mouth.

"Are you asking me out or proposing?" Lily asked with a laugh. James laughed too.

"Asking you out." He answered.

"I suppose it's about time I gave you a chance." Lily said. James smiled broadly at her.

"I won't make you regret it."

The beauty of having been friends with James for a couple years was that he knew what she liked. He took her for a sunset walk around the park then they had a picnic. It was all so romantic.

After they ate, they walked to the ice cream parlor and shared a banana split. "So did you have fun."

"Yes." Lily said with a broad smile. "Who would have thought that we would actually date."

"Me." James said. "I've been hoping since third year." Lily stared at him with wide eyes.

"You've had a crush on me for almost seven years?" Lily asked in amazement. James nodded.

"Yeah, I'm a bit of a dork." James said. He took her hand and they ate their ice cream.

They returned home a little after midnight laughing. "That was so much fun." Lily said through her laughter.

"I know!"

"God, I need to take a shower." Lily said. James wrapped his arms around her waist. Lily turned in his arms and looked at him.

"It was everything I hoped it would be." James said. Lily felt her cheeks warm a bit. "I really want to kiss you right now."

"I want you to kiss me." Lily answered softly. Lily pushed her lips against his and wrapped her arms around his neck. After the kiss was broken, James touched her cheek softly.

In mid July the heat had become unbearable. It didn't help that Lily was in the middle of her eighth month and very pregnant. James would often come home to a freezing charm around the living room and Lily on the sofa looking quite miserable.

He greeted her with a kiss and then he would talk to Harry before he helped Lily with dinner.

Since it was so hot, Lily couldn't handle going outside for more then a few minutes, meaning that she usually had a lot of time to think about things.

More often then not, she thought about Voldemort. She felt stupid for still having feelings for him, especially when she was involved with James.

Sometimes she would remember his kiss and his touch, but then she would feel miserable. She wished that she could forget about him, she wished that she had discovered the mature and romantic side of James Potter before she had gotten tangled up with Voldemort.

Lily thought for hours about what she could have possibly done to make him want her dead. Sure they had fought quite a few times, but why did he want her dead?

"Hey Prego!" Lily jumped and looked over at Sirius.

"Shut up Black." She groaned.

"Prongs sent me over to check up on you." Sirius walked over to the sofa and gave her a hug. "So how are you?"

"It's so hot, and my son has a big head."

"Just like his surrogate dad." Sirius said with a strait face. Lily laughed but stopped when her stomach hurt. "What's wrong?"

"Cramp." Lily supposed. With help from Sirius she sat up. She hadn't felt right for the past few days. Perhaps that was why James was worried. Her head ached and she was constantly having cramps. "This kid is killing me."

Sirius put his hand on Lily's belly. "Stop hurting your mommy." Sirius told the unborn Harry. Lily closed her eyes and sighed. "Cute little stinker."

Lily put a hand on her abdomen, she noticed that it was firmer then usual. "Sirius, can you take me to the doctor?"

"What's wrong?"

"I'm worried is all, I want to know that everything is okay." Sirius nodded. He put her shoes on and took her out to his motorcycle. "Why did James buy you that damn thing?" Lily asked.

"'Cause it rocks." Sirius said. He handed her a helmet. Lily gave him a look. "Oh, right, pregnant." He put the helmets down and walked to the curb and haled the Knight Bus. "St. Mungos, and step on it." Sirius told Ernie the bus driver. He sat Lily down and held her hand.

Even though there were a load of other people on the bus, Ernie went to the hospital first. When they arrived, Sirius helped her off the bus and took her into the hospital.

Lily was taken into a room and given an exam. Lily was wheeled out of the hospital room and she saw James standing with Sirius. "Lily!"

"We're going to perform a C section." The doctor told James. A nurse handed James a scrub and a mask.

"I have to do it?" James cried in a daze.

"No." The nurse said in mild annoyance. "You can be in the room with her, you are the father right?"

"Yes."

James went into the room with Lily and held her hand.

"James, he's early, he's early James." Lily sobbed. James kissed her sweaty forehead. "I'm scared."

"I know, I'm right here darling." Lily squeezed his hand as the doctors cut into her stomach. Curiosity caused James to look over. Lily saw all the color leave his face and he looked faint.

"Everything will be okay." He said weakly. Lily squeezed her eyes closed and gripped his hand tightly. James squeezed her hand back, just as scared as she was.

They both looked over as they heard the cries of little Harry Evans. Lily's sobs turned from sobs of fear to cries of joy. The nurse cleaned little Harry and another brought in a potion.

"What's that?" James asked, getting color back into his face. The nurse took James into the hallway as the other nurse tended to baby Harry and Lily.

"You're baby will be monitored closely for a while to make sure that he'll be alright." James opened his mouth to speak but she kept speaking. "He's a little early, but we are sure that he will be able to survive. Your wife…"

"Oh, she's my girlfriend." James corrected, slightly sad.

"…your girlfriend's uterus was slightly misshapen, I'm surprised it wasn't caught earlier. She'll need to spend a day or two in recovery, and we'll keep watch over the baby. The doctor is giving him a potion right now that will help keep him healthy."

James walked along side of the stretcher as Lily was taken into a recovery room. After she was settled down James sat next to her and took her hand.

"Lily, I realized some things yesterday, when you were lying on the sofa and I was sitting next to you and we took turns singing to little Harry." He took a deep breath. "Lily, I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"I love you too, James."

"Marry me, Lily." Lily's heart began to race. She looked into James's eyes and smiled softly.

"Okay." She answered. A large happy smile broke on James's face and he kissed her tenderly. James pulled out a diamond ring and slid it on her finger. "I want to see Harry."

"Do you feel up to it?"

"I feel fine." Lily said. "They put a potion on my stomach to numb the pain." She gave him a knowing smile. "You nearly fainted."

"Did not." James said irritably. He helped her into a wheelchair and they were about to leave when Sirius, Remus and Peter all came bursting in with flowers, balloons and candies.

"So where is the little bundle of joy?" Sirius asked after giving Lily a hug.

"They're caring for him right now. They told me that he'll be fine but they want to keep a close watch over him."

"We're going to visit him right now." James said. He pushed Lily into the hall and they all went to the baby care ward. Suddenly Sirius spoke.

"Is that a diamond I see on your finger Lily?" Sirius asked in a sing song voice. Lily blushed and nodded. Sirius giddily clapped and seemed very childish. They made it to the ward and James helped Lily stand and she looked into the cradle surrounded by hard plastic and smiled softly. She put a hand on the plastic and Harry waved his hand at her.

"Hello my precious." Lily cooed. Little Harry looked at her with wide emerald green eyes and sucked on his fingers.

"He's so cute." Sirius gushed. "Look at his widdle hands." Remus smiled at the baby and gave Lily a soft hug.

"He's a beautiful baby, Lily."

"A baby and a wedding! Oh I'm so happy!" Sirius carried on. James wrapped his arms around Lily's shoulders and she rested her head against his shoulder. She suddenly looked sad.

"What's wrong?"

"I want to hold my baby, I want to know that he's going to be alright." Lily said, tears brimming in her eyes.

"He will be alright." James said. "He's your son, Lily, he's strong like you are."

"He looks so fragile."

"He is fragile, but he's going to be okay." James assured her. Together they looked at their son. James kissed Lily's temple and whispered love into her ear.

TBC

So now Lily and James are to be married! And little Harry has been born! Cute widdle baby Potter. Anyway I'll update soon. Enjoy!


	15. Chapter 14

DC: on chapter 1

Thanks to my reviewers

Chapter 14,

Work brought James away from Lily and baby Harry for a long week. During which Lily spent all hours sitting in a soft chair, gazing sadly into her son's plastic prison. She put her fingertips on the plastic and held a tissue to her eye. Harry looked over at her. Lily smiled softly and waved gently to him. This made him happy, as he smiled a toothless smile. He had a dimple on his left cheek.

It wasn't until she was able to take him home did she begin to feel differently. James was at work during the day with Sirius and Remus was out doing tasks for Dumbledore. Alice Longbottom was perfectly happy with her bouncing baby boy and couldn't stop talking about him whenever she and Lily talked.

One night Lily looked into her son's crib after rocking him to sleep. It wasn't like her to feel such strong negative feelings for someone so innocent, but she couldn't help it. The doctors told her it may happen, the hormones rushing back would be screwing with her brain.

"You should have been James' child." Lily said to the sleeping baby.

"Who says he isn't?" Lily turned around. James was leaning against the doorframe; there was a cut on his cheek.

"It's just like the doctor said." James said as he walked up to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek. "Lily, just because he's not my son by blood, doesn't mean that I won't love him like my own."

"I feel so terrible because I'm sad all the time. I'm a horrible mother!"

"You're just stressed, first the premature birth and no doubt you're thinking about his biological father."

"He broke my heart, James, I loved him so much but he didn't feel the same. And now his son…forget it, it's stupid. I feel so bad for thinking these things."

"What things?" James asked, swaying softly with his fiancé in his arms.

"Never mind. It's the hormones talking." Lily said, she kissed him lightly and walked out of the room.

James walked up to the sleeping infant and smiled down at him. He leaned down and kissed Harry's forehead.

"Goodnight, my son." James said. Harry opened his eyes sleepily and looked up at James. James smiled at him and held his little hand. His face screwed up, a tell tale sign that he was fussy, and James lifted him from the crib. "Don't cry kiddo."

Harry whimpered and James heard Lily moan, "not again"

James sat in the rocking chair and gently rocked his son. He hummed softly and gently petted Harry's soft dusting of black hair. His heart swelled with unspeakable joy as he rocked his baby to sleep. He never really cared who Harry's real father was, as far as James was concerned, he was all the boy would ever need.

"You're real daddy was foolish to give up your mommy." James said. "I promise, Harry, that I'll be the only daddy you'll ever need." Harry squirmed a bit and snuggled into the warmth of James' chest.

When Harry was fast asleep, James tucked him in and left the room. He walked into the bedroom and saw Lily sobbing silently into her pillow. He crawled into bed with her and hugged her close.

"I'm not ready to be a mother." Lily sobbed. "I fall to pieces to easily."

"Sweetheart, you'll be an amazing mother. Remember the doctor said you'll be feeling like this. It's all the hormones."

"But what if it isn't? What if it isn't the hormones and it's me? What if…"

"Honey, every moment of our lives will be filled with what ifs. That's what parenting is, one big what if. It's wondering, will he make the right choices, if he'll grow up to be strong and healthy. We'll spend hours worrying about him, but I promise you we'll never regret it." Lily looked at him with teary eyes.

"How do you know so much?"

"I called mom when Harry was born. I told her all about him and she couldn't stop giving me parenting advice."

"When will she be able to meet him?"

"Next week, they're still on holiday. My dad might not though; he doesn't like the idea of me raising another man's son."

"I'm sorry." Lily said. James smiled.

"We should have a little girl next, one that I can spoil and keep the boys away from." Lily sighed.

"I should have you know, James Potter, I don't plan on becoming a baby machine!" James laughed and kissed the tip of her nose.

"Maybe not right away. We'll wait until Harry is older so that he can be a protective older brother. Then, when they're both at Hogwarts, he'll scare away any boy who dares to mess with little Emily."

"So you've named our imaginary daughter?" Lily asked. James smiled, his cheeks slightly red.

"I've been thinking too much lately." He admitted. Lily turned in his arms and faced him.

"What else have you planned?"

"Well, Harry will be a quidditch player, a seeker or preferably a chaser. He'll be a Gryffindor."

"What if he's Slytherin?"

"I'll still love him." James said. Lily smiled. "But the odds of that happening are slim."

"You never know." Lily said with a shrug. She snuggled into James' arms and sighed. "Do you think we'll be good parents?"

"I have no doubt." James replied.

"Isn't he just precious!" Mrs. Potter squealed as she laid eyes on baby Harry. They were at a picnic. Little Harry was looking quite sour in a blue cotton outfit with a pattern of snitches and broomsticks. On his head was a blue bonnet and his black hair poked out from under it. "How old is he?"

"Only two months." Lily said bouncing her son gently. Mrs. Potter took the infant and cradled him lovingly.

"Does he look like his father?" she asked. Lily thought for a moment.

"The shape of the eyes, and the hair, but other then that I don't think so. His father had very angular features." A look of jealousy crossed James' face. He must have hoped that Lily wouldn't notice because he tried to hide it quickly.

"Can I meet this man?"

"We don't speak." Lily said uncomfortably. "He didn't want a family and…" Lily trailed off.

"Can you believe that he's premature?" James asked. "He looks so healthy!"

"That he most certainly does!" Mrs. Potter cooed. Lily gave James a thankful look. "So when is the wedding?"

"Well, James thought it would be fun to get married on Halloween." Mrs. Potter laughed.

"I'm surprised he's waiting so long! That's a whole month! Why, for as much as he talked about you I expected you two would have married the day after he proposed." James looked embarrassed and Lily giggled.

Mr. Potter, however, was less friendly. He looked at Lily as if she was a street whore with a baby on her hip. He didn't seem to care that his only son was hopelessly in love with her.

"So you were only dating a few months before you married a woman carrying another man's baby?" he said loudly. James looked over at his father and sighed heavily.

"I'm marrying the woman I dearly love." James said. "I don't care that Harry is the son of her previous relationship. As far as I'm concerned, I'm raising him, I love him and he is my son. You could at least be happy for me." Mr. Potter turned to Lily and looked at her with piercing hazel eyes.

"You, why did you suddenly warm up to my son? Was it because you realized you were on your own with a baby?"

"Dad!" James cried.

"When James and I were in auror training together we became really close…"

"Even though you were in a relationship?"

"She is allowed to have friend while dating someone." James growled angrily.

"…after my relationship ended and my apartment destroyed by death eaters, James offered me a place to stay. Look, I know you don't like me, but I love your son more then anything."

"Oh, don't mind him, he's just being a little nasty." Mrs. Potter chirped. James stifled a laugh at the pained expression on baby Harry's face.

"Somebody needs a little love from his godfather!" Sirius cheered sitting at the table and taking Harry. Sirius rubbed the top of a melting chocolate frog and then let Harry suck on his finger.

"Sirius!" James cried.

"I'm the chocolate giver!" Sirius proclaimed. "I'm the one that he'll come to when his parents are being mean and not giving him any sweets!"

Harry seemed to enjoy the chocolate and didn't want Sirius to pull his finger out of his mouth. Sirius felt Harry's little gums squeezing his finger and he smiled.

"See! He likes his sweets!"

"You're going to make him into a little fatty!" Lily cried. They all shared a laugh (except for Mr. Potter) and began talking about their plans for the infant.

Later that evening they were due for dinner with Lily's father.

Petunia was there, with Vernon, her husband. On their knee was a chubby little boy. Lily never caught the boy's name, but she was sure that it was something that sounded like Diddy.

It was amazing how old her father looked. She hadn't seen much of him since her mother's death but she hadn't expected his drastic aging. He looked sad, even when he smiled.

He held Harry gently and played with him. James made small talk with Petunia, but she didn't seem to want to talk with him, so he turned his attention to Mr. Evans.

Lily excused herself and went up to her old room. She didn't know what she wanted to do up there but she went anyway. Her room was pretty much empty, just boxes and her old crib. Her father was in full grandpa mode, he set up the crib he had used for his daughters and the changing table.

Lily sat at her old desk and sighed. It was in this room, in this spot, where Voldemort first spoke to her. It was a time when her biggest problem was her best friend moving away. It seemed like such a long time ago, in a far away place and time. It was hard to believe that she was a mother now, and soon she would be a wife.

The crisp October air was a welcome change to the sweltering summer. The wedding was fast approaching. Both of them agreed on an outdoor wedding in a beautiful park.

Lily pushed Harry down a path covered in leaves. The baby clapped his hands and squealed in delight. Harry smiled a toothless smile at her and his green eyes twinkled. He was dressed in a blue wool jacket with blue mittens and a grey blue hat with floppy mouse ears. A leaf fell from the tree and landed on his hand. Harry clutched the leaf and sloppily tore it. Lily laughed and pulled the leaf away before Harry tried to snack on it.

"In a week your daddy and I will be getting married here." Lily said looking over a large meadow. She sighed softly as she thought about the wedding dress that was tucked away safely in her closet, and about the tuxedo James was getting fitted for right this moment with Sirius.

Harry squealed loudly, telling his mother that he was bored and he wanted attention. Lily reached down and lifted him from the carriage. She made her way to the underground and took it home.

Once there, Lily checked her messages. Nothing important, just conformations on the food, flowers and band, just stuff that she had been expecting.

She sat down and was breast feeding little Harry when the phone rang. Lily reached over to the phone and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, I'm looking for Lily Evans."

"This is she." Lily said, wincing as Harry bit her on accident. "Who may I ask is calling?"

"Don't tell me you don't remember me Lils." Lily wracked her brain. "It's me, Magenta!"

"Magenta!" Lily cried. "Oh my god! How are you? It's been so long!" Harry seemed upset by the sudden change in his mother's voice and movements so to show it he bit her again. "Ouch!"

"What?"

"Oh, it's Harry."

"Do I want to know?" Magenta asked. "Anyway, my friend is throwing a Halloween party in London so I'll be in town, do you want to come?"

"Oh, I can't."

"Please Lils! Please! I haven't seen you in years! I just found out your phone number today and I had to call you. You have to come!"

"No, Magenta, I can't because I'm getting married on Halloween." Magenta fell silent for about a second before squealing loudly,

"OH MY GOD TO WHO!" Harry looked up in irritation and Lily held the phone away from her ear.

"James Potter."

"Potty boy?"

"Yes, he…"

"Baby I'm home!" James called as he came in. "Who are you talking to?"

"Magenta!" Lily cried. James looked lost and confused. "My friend." James nodded and then, after kissing her forehead, went to change into more comfortable clothing. "If you want, come to my wedding! I would be so happy if you did."

"Alright, where is it?"

"Rockwood Park, at noon. Oh, please come!"

"Alright I'll be there." Magenta promised. She sounded like she was going to say something more, but stopped when she heard crying. "What was that?"

"Oh, Harry, he's fussy."

"Babysitting?"

"No, he's my son." Lily said, shifting Harry a bit.

"You had a kid out of marriage? You go girl." Lily smiled.

"Yeah, he's a sweetie."

"I can't wait to meet him. Hey, I have to go, I'll see you on Halloween."

"Bye, I can't wait!"

"Me neither, okay, kiss, kiss. Bye babe!" Lily smiled and hung up the phone. Harry looked jealous.

"Oh don't give me that look." Lily said to her son. "You're still my baby boy." She felt James' weight next to her and his arm around her shoulder.

"Did you have a good day?" he asked after giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Yes, Harry and I went for a walk and I invited Magenta to the wedding."

"So she's a friend of yours?"

"You remember, she always wore purple hair clips. She called you Jamie Potty and Potty boy." James frowned.

"Yeah, I remember." He grumbled. Lily hugged him tight.

"She's coming! I haven't seen her in forever and she's coming!" Lily squealed.

"As much as I don't like her, I'm happy that she'll be there." James said as Lily began to jump up and down like a little teenager. Harry watched his parents as though they were quite nuts.

TBC

I know it's been a long time since I updated so pleeeeeeeeeease don't kill me! I have a good reason though, first it was writers block and then I moved into my dorm squee college! so I didn't have much time. Anyway the wedding will be in the next chapter and I can't really see too many left before the end (which I am totally psyched for). I already have most of the last chapter written. Heh I'm an impatient little thing aren't I?


	16. Chapter 15

DC: on chapter 1

Thanks to my reviewers.

I can tell you that the end is near. I was thinking of continuing it after the original ending but then I thought that it would take away from the moment I chose to be the ending. My writing process is a little weird, I usually write out the ending shortly after writing the first chapter. Then I just let any little plot twist come. So that's why I can never give an accurate number of chapters left.

So in short I'd say about one (maybe two) chapters after this one. I really just want this story to be over. Not that I don't love the idea, it's actually one of my favorites, but I want to finish up before I become so swamped that I can't write anymore. So the spacing through the year in the story will be larger.

Chapter 15,

Lily was going to hell for sure. Surely it was a sin or something to be daydreaming about ones ex only minutes before she was to walk down the aisle.

Voldemort was stuck in Lily's mind like gum on the bottom of a shoe, she couldn't get him off completely.

There she was in a beautiful wedding gown, her hair done up in an elegant knot and looking far more beautiful then every before with her fiancé waiting in the next room, and all she could think about was an old flame that apparently wanted her dead.

Lily sighed and made sure that baby Harry was all ready to go.

"Where are you off to?" Voldemort asked in a soft purr. He toyed with a strand of raven black hair.

"My best friend is getting married."

"Oh? I thought you were attending a Halloween party with Bella."

"Well, my best friend since childhood wanted me to come so I said okay." Voldemort ran a long finger along her naked shoulder.

"Do you have my information?" he asked. She handed him an envelope. "Perfect." He opened the envelope and pulled out auror plans. "Tell me, what's your friend's name?"

"Lily Evans…or rather soon to be Mrs. Lily Potter. I can't believe she went for that retard…"

Voldemort didn't listen to anything more. Lily, his Lily, was marrying that twit Potter when she was supposed to be dead. He stood up sharply and strode out of the room. He returned a moment later.

"Magenta, you have an assignment."

Lily couldn't breathe. She kept thinking, as she walked down the aisle towards James, that he was going to change his mind. For a brief moment she saw Voldemort standing where James was. Lily mentally shook the thought from her mind. James smiled at her. Her heart melted.

The cool night air wiped through Voldemort's thin black hair as glared angrily from his perch on the balcony. He clenched his fists tightly and gritted his teeth. Lily was alive, she faked her death to get away from him.

His scarlet eyes narrowed. She would pay for what she had done.

"You may kiss the bride." James pulled Lily's veil back and smiled at her.

"I can't believe you still want me to be your husband." He said quietly. Lily smiled warmly at him. James cupped her cheek and kissed her softly.

"I want to spend forever with you." Lily replied. James took her hand and, amist applause, they left the alter room. James followed Lily to the dressing room so she could touch up her make-up. Alice walked in with Neville and Harry. She handed Harry to James and congratulated them both.

James fed Harry from a bottle Lily had pumped for him while she touched up her make-up. Then, with their baby, the happy couple left the church.

The reception was beautiful. The flowers, the music, everything was perfect. The party, like her wedding, was small but fun.

"Hey, where'd Padfoot and Moony go?" James asked.

"I don't know where Sirius and Remus are." Lily said taking a bite of fish. James gave her a look of mock irritation.

"You're lucky your cute." He said. Lily kissed him softly. "Where's Harry."

"He was with Sirius." Lily said she scanned the room and saw Peter entertaining the child. "But now, apparently, he's with Peter." James stood up.

"I'm going to go look for the guys. They've been gone for a while."

"Sirius is probably snogging with Candy."

"They broke up a few days ago." James said. He patted Lily's head. "Do keep up darling."

"Aw, that's too bad." James shrugged. He walked off in search of the two guys.

James had added Harry to the search party when Peter became so distracted by that friend of Lily's. Purple was it? James wondered. Harry was asleep so he wasn't very good company. Not that he was great company when he was awake.

James turned the corner and nearly dropped his son in shock as he found his two best friends…in each other's arms. It was something out of left field. He knew that Remus was so deep in the closet he was finding Christmas presents, but with Sirius?

The two men didn't seem to notice their surprised friend. Sirius had Remus pinned against the wall and they couldn't seem to get enough of each other.

James wanted nothing more then to turn around and walk away, but Harry, of course, decided it was then that he would wake up. He let out a shrill giggle, as if he _knew_ the awkwardness of the situation. James glared at the child and then looked up as both Sirius and Remus looked at him. Remus' face was deep scarlet and Sirius was stammering.

"We were just a…a…there was something in his eye you see…and…a…a…"

"Sirius had to see what it was!" Remus finished.

"I thought you were bright enough to know the difference between the mouth and eyes." James said dryly. Sirius sighed.

"Welp, nothing much I can do about that. I'm gay!"

"I know. And Remus, we _all_ know." Remus blushed, if possible, even more.

James laughed and then returned to Lily.

"Did you find the guys?" James nodded. Sirius and Remus came in, avoiding eye contact with each other.

"Yeah, and I think we'll be celebrating another wedding soon." Lily stifled a laugh. They watched as the two guys sat down and shot each other quick glances. "It must be hard for them, you know."

"I guess." Lily said with a shrug. She took Harry and cuddled him. Harry giggled and played with a strand of her hair. "Frankly I'm jealous." She said.

"Why? You want to be snogging Sirius?" James asked. Lily sighed and turned her back to him, pretending to be upset.

"You're paying more attention to your gay friends then your own wife." As if to add to her point, Harry made a loud ba noise. James smiled and wrapped his arm around Lily's shoulders.

"What should I do to remedy that?" he asked in a soft whisper. "Hmm?"

"Well I'm sure you could think of something." Lily whispered back. James turned her chin towards him and kissed her.

"Get a room!" Sirius called. Lily laughed and James shot him a look that said take your own advice. Sirius stood up. It was time for the best man's speech.

"I've known James ever since we were both in diapers." He said loudly. "We've been best friends since we met. So I never dreamed that I would one day be sharing him with not only a woman, but the girl he'd been chasing after for years. I'll be honest buddy boy, I never thought she would agree to you."

"Gee, thanks Padfoot." James said with a broad smile. Sirius grinned.

"Take care of him Lily. I suppose this is the time I'm supposed to say live long and prosper but I'd risk sounding too much like that one weird alien show those muggles watch. But I think that's a little too corny, so I'll just say, Jamie, buddy, you're like my brother and Lily you're a lucky woman, he's a wonderful man."

Everybody applauded and James walked up to Sirius. They embraced each other like brothers.

"I love you man." James said.

"Me too." Sirius walked over and gave Lily a hug as well. The music played again.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, the bride and groom will share their first dance as a married couple." James held his hand out to Lily and she took it.

_You're just too good to be true_

_Can't take my eyes off of you_

_You'd be like heaven to touch_

_I want to hold you so much…_

James pulled Lily close and kissed her gently.

"I can't believe you chose this song." James whispered. Lily smiled.

"Well I can't forget how you jumped on top of the Gryffindor table and sang it to me now can I?"

"I could do that now if you'd like." He offered. Lily giggled.

"I'd rather you stayed right here with me."

Voldemort watched bitterly as the happy couple danced. He kicked the orb and then summoned it back again.

"_Lily, I'm glad that you broke it off with your ex_." James said. Voldemort's fist clenched and unclenched around the arm of his chair. "_I can't imagine my life without you_."

"Soon you will, Potter."

The song drew to a close. James pulled Lily close and kissed her. Everybody clapped and then joined in the dance. Lily relieved Sirius of the babysitting duty and danced with Harry.

"Pretty boy, pretty boy." She whispered.

"_Mommy loves you_," Voldemort put a pale hand on the orb. She had a child with Potter which meant she had been cheating on him. His blood boiled.

It was around midnight when the Potter family made it home. Lily put Harry strait to bed and then changed out of her wedding gown. She was standing in nothing but her panties and bra when James came up and pulled her onto the bed.

"Play with me." He whined. Lily giggled, turned and kissed him.

"Surely you can wait until the honeymoon." James smiled.

"Ah yes, a week alone in Ireland. Are you excited?" Lily nodded. James kissed her neck and gently caressed her side. He unhooked her bra and was about to get serious when the infant in the next room wailed loudly. "Kid hates me!" James groaned as Lily got up, pulled one of her husband's shirts over her head and went to care for her son.

The honeymoon was cancelled. Lily and James hadn't even left the country before Sirius called saying that Harry wouldn't stop crying. When they got to Sirius's flat Remus was rocking baby Harry and Sirius looked like he was contemplating either killing himself or the child.

"Oh, thank god," Remus said, sounding quite frazzled, "he just won't stop crying." Lily took her son and the moment he was in her arms he stopped crying.

"He seems fine now." James said. Lily handed the baby back to Remus. Harry began to wail again.

"Wow, he really doesn't like you Moony." James said. Lily took Harry back and the infant calmed down.

"Mama's boy!" Sirius called. James sighed. It seemed that Harry simply would not part with his mother which meant that the honeymoon was most certainly cancelled.

On December 31st Sirius and Remus were throwing a New Years Party. Lily didn't want to go.

"I'll stay with Harry." Lily said as James begged her to come. "I really don't want to go, James."

James pouted but agreed. He kissed Lily's cheek and bid her goodnight. He told her to call him if she needed anything what so ever.

After watching her husband leave for the party, Lily fed Harry and put him to bed. She sighed as she popped some popcorn and popped in a movie, her favorite, Gone with the Wind.

As she watched, Lily thought back to Voldemort and a time they had shared together.

"_What the devil are you watching?" Voldemort asked as Lily sat in his lap with some popcorn._

"_Gone with the Wind. It's a beautiful movie!"_

"_I don't do beautiful."_

"_You do me." Lily said, pushing her hips against his playfully. Voldemort looked at her with amused eyes._

"_Keep that up and I may just have to take you right here and now." Lily kissed his cheek. _

"_Soon, I'll be ready soon."_

Lily laughed softly. She was never ready for him. She would never be ready for him. She stood up to get something to drink when someone grabbed her. The scent was the same as James.

"What's up with you?" Lily giggled. She yelped as she was pushed against the wall and a pair of lips pushed against her neck. "James," Lily grunted, "you're being too rough." His hand cupped her breast. "James, ow!"

"Lily,"

Lily moaned softly as experienced hands ravished her. She felt fingers fumble over the button and zip of her jeans. The denim was pulled down with her panties.

The phone was ringing. Lips were on her neck. The answering machine picked up.

_Liiiiiiiiily! How could you avoid the hottest party ever!_

Lily's head was spinning. James had never loved her like that before.

He left as quickly as she came. Lily gathered herself and took a nice long shower.

The next morning when James came home Lily greeted him with a very passionate kiss.

"It's a happy new year already." James said after his pleasant welcome home.

"You are so unexpected." Lily whispered. "It surprised me at first, but I really enjoyed it." James, who couldn't really remember much of last night looked at her strangely.

"What happened?"

"You sneaking up behind me for a quick New Year's shag." Lily said.

"Honey, are you sure you weren't asleep?" Lily looked at him strangely. How could she have dreamed it? She pulled away.

"Maybe I was." She muttered. She left her husband and went into Harry's room. He was crying again. She set him on the changing table and worked on his diaper. She couldn't have dreamt it. She was still a bit sore from it, after all James hadn't exactly waiting until she was lubricated enough.

Lily was shaking powder on Harry's rump when the realization suddenly hit her like a two ton weight. She dropped the powder.

Voldemort, it had to be him. She thought back on the night. Forceful, no words, but so amazing, it was his style. She knelt down and picked up the powder. Her knees shook and she fell back. She leaned against the wall.

She had cheated on her husband with…well she thought it was her husband so was it really cheating? An angry voice in her head told her of course it was you were moaning like a whore to a man that wasn't James.

Harry screeched and Lily jumped up. Her hands shook as she sloppily put on Harry's diaper.

"Hey baby, are you okay?"

"Fine." Lily said with a smile. James wrapped his arm around her and kissed her shoulder.

"We should have another one."

"Another what?" Lily asked.

"Another baby." James replied. Lily looked down at Harry.

"We will." She promised. "But right now I don't think we can handle another." James scooped up his son and rocked him.

"How about this," James said bouncing the boy gently, "we forget about condoms and birth control potions and just let it happen."

"It?" Lily asked with a small smile. "What do you mean by it?"

"I mean if we're meant to have another child we'll have one." Lily smiled and kissed him softly.

"I like that idea." She whispered.

Around mid-February Lily found herself in the bathroom holding a pregnancy test. She laughed at the situation she was in. Around this time last year she was holding a blue test, pregnant with Harry. This time, she held a blue test, pregnant with either the baby of her husband or the man who still owned a piece of her heart.

TBC

Muahahahahahahahaha!

Okay I don't know why I'm saying this, remember **nothing** **is** **certain**, but I may be doing a sequel. I won't say much here (god I sound all mysterious just like JKR) but it's something I've wanted to write for a long time. And about the slash between Sirius and Remus, well that was mainly for my sister who is deeply in love with that pairing. BE HAPPY TWERP! Anyway enjoy!


	17. Chapter 16

DC: on chapter 1

Thanks to my reviewers!

Yay chapter 16! Woot!

This is either the last or the second to last chapter of Pieces of a Dream. I actually began making a SIM movie to this story that I was going to post on but that project has been collecting dust. I kind of realized how hard it would be to make the SIMS do some of the stuff in this fic. But also I didn't want to make it WHILE the fic was still in progress. Cause then it would spoil the ending. So yeah.

Do feel free to visit my youtube account. My name on there is SayaCraig, which is a name that everyone will be familiar with when I become a published author (starry eyes) at least I have a dream right? Anyway moving on.

Chapter 16,

Lily stood up nervously and paced a bit. She and James had had sex recently. In fact they celebrated the opening of Quidditch season with a very pleasing night. So Lily didn't know why she was worrying so much. She and James coupled about five or six times that month. She had only been with Voldemort once. So the odds of it being his baby were significantly lessened.

But then again, the voice was back in the back of her mind, Voldemort's little guys managed to get you pregnant even with protection.

Lily hated that voice. But whether it was because it was annoying or it was right she didn't know. She sighed heavily. James knocked on the door.

"Lily," he whined, "Harry's crying and he hates me!"

"He doesn't hate you." Lily said back. She opened the door and walked down the hall to the nursery. "Baby." She said back. James stuck his tongue out at her. "Real mature Potter."

James grinned and followed her into Harry's room.

Sure enough the boy was fussy and rolling around in his crib. Lily went to pick him up but he squirmed out of her hands. "Come now Harry, don't be difficult."

Harry looked at her and hit his cubby little arm against her hand. When she pulled away he began to whine.

"Well if you want me to hold you then you're going to have to sit still." Harry gave her a look that Lily could swear was meant to challenge her but he sat still nonetheless. Lily lifted him and smiled. "See, that's not so bad is it baby?"

"See he likes you."

"Babies can sense high levels of maturity." Lily said. James pouted.

"But Lily…" he whined.

"See what I mean?"

"Good day Potters!"

"Hi Sirius."

"Lily do you mind if I steal James for a moment?"

"Go for it." Lily said walking to the rocking chair and sitting in it. She kissed Harry's forehead and rocked him. James left with Sirius and shortly after he came back in to tell her that they were going to a game.

Lily carried Harry to the kitchen where she readied his bottle and gave it to him. Harry was indeed her pride and joy but she wasn't sure if she could handle another. Another baby that could very well be Voldemort's.

The pregnancy and the knowledge that she unknowingly had sex with her ex boyfriend threw Lily into a world of confusion. Why would he come to her if he ordered her to be killed by the death eaters? Why would he come to have sex with her if he wanted her dead? Was it just one last joyride?

Lily was so lost in thought that she hadn't realized Harry was finished with his bottle and his diaper until she smelled the horrid stench.

"I can't wait until you're potty trained…and don't start crying." Harry's big green eyes were filled with tears and he cried anyway. Lily pulled off his diaper and replaced it with a fresh one.

Back in the living room, Lily set out a soft blanket and put Harry on it. The baby boy rolled around a bit and giggled as he dragged his fingers over one of the patterns. Lily laid next to him and kept a protective hand on him.

Finally, after about thirty minutes of lying on the floor and playing with his fingers and toes, Harry reached for Lily who moved closer. Harry cooed and snuggled against his mother's warmth with his feet brushing against his unborn baby brother or sister.

James was in a very good mood when he came home. He was about to yell and cheer when he noticed his wife and son sleeping peacefully on the floor. His heart melted as he stared at the picture before him. James knelt down beside Lily and kissed her cheek softly, and then he kissed Harry's. The baby woke up and looked at him.

"Hey Sport." James whispered. He lifted the baby and cuddled him. "It's almost time for your dinner, but we're not going to wake your mommy up." James told him in a whisper as he walked to the kitchen. He prepared Harry's bottle and gave it to him.

Then he gave the boy a bath. James washed Harry's thick black hair and rinsed it out with a flick of his wand. Then he washed his little hands and tummy. Harry laughed as James washed his belly.

"Ticklish?" James asked. He tickled the baby gently and the boy laughed.

Lily had woken up to the sounds of James playing in the bath with Harry. She stood up and walked over to see what was going on. What she saw was a big kid playing with his son. Harry was laughing and clapping while James made faces, tickled him and occasionally kissed his forehead.

Lily smiled. She put her hand to her abdomen. Another baby huh?

"James,"

"Oh, sorry did we wake you?" Lily shook her head no.

"When you finish can we talk?"

"Sure baby." Harry looked at his mother with wide eyes and a cute little smile. He waved his hands at her and Lily walked up to him. James washed Harry's back gently while the boy played with his mother's fingers.

"Isn't he sweet?" James asked. Lily nodded. She hugged James's arm with her free one and sighed against his sweater.

"I'm pregnant." She said. James dropped the washcloth into the water with a plop. He looked at Lily.

"Seriously?" Lily nodded. James threw his arms around her and hugged her tight. Harry didn't know what was going on but he did know that he was starting to get a little cold so he squealed. Lily lifted her son out of the water and James wrapped a towel around him. They walked into the nursery and after Harry was wrapped in his warm wool pajamas and tucked into his crib, James congratulated his wife.

He carried her into their bedroom and laid her down. He laid down next to her and smiled warmly.

"A baby." he said finally.

"Yeah." Lily took his hand and brought it down to her belly. James smiled and kissed her. "Do you think we can manage?"

"Yeah, besides Harry's a full year older then the baby would be. He'll be off exploring while she's still cranky about being born." Lily laughed. "Besides, once Harry's a toddler and less…fragile, I know that Padfoot will want to baby-sit more often." Lily laughed again. Sirius didn't really like baby-sitting Harry because he said that the baby was boring. As a toddler, Harry would definitely be more interesting.

"What do you think it'll be? A boy or a girl?" Lily asked lazily as James rubbed her belly.

"I hope it's a girl. Then I can be the over protective father and threaten all the boys that try to ask her out."

"What if it's a boy?"

"What dad wouldn't want two sons? We'll play quidditch every night and they'll join Little League. It'll be great!" Lily laughed. She wrapped her arms around James's waist and rested her head on his chest.

"We're going to be great." She whispered. James nodded and kissed the top of her head.

Lily found herself sitting in the hospital wing at Hogwarts. The question of paternity was plaguing her into insanity. She had to know for sure. But she could only trust Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey with the information.

"So what happened?" Dumbledore asked as the nurse was in the back room.

"I thought he was James, after all he had the same scent and…"

"Do you still love him?" Dumbledore asked. Lily shook her head no. She couldn't say it, because then Dumbledore would know for sure that she was lying. "There aren't many people who can manage to keep things from me."

"What am I supposed to say, professor? Yes, yes I still love him but I love James. When I think of myself as an old woman I think of James as an old man right next to me!" Dumbledore sat down next to Lily.

"You know Lily, nobody ever chooses who they fall in love with. It's random and most of the time it leads you right to where you need to be. But sometimes, it can lead you to places that you never wanted to go."

"What if James isn't the father?" Lily asked.

"Will James love the child any less?"

"But how can I face him?" Lily asked. Dumbledore gave her a thoughtful look.

"You didn't choose to have an encounter with Tom. You've been able to face him up until now. Nothing will change, Lily."

Madame Pomfrey walked out with a piece of parchment and handed it to Lily before going off to help a student with smoke coming out of his ears.

Lily unfolded it. She skimmed down to the bottom.

**Father:**

**Unknown**

Madame Pomfrey had a sample of James's DNA. He wasn't unknown. The parchment fell from Lily's limp fingers. Without a word she left Hogwarts and found herself walking though the woods where she had once met with Voldemort.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!" She screamed suddenly towards the snow white sky. She cried and stomped her feet. She wondered if maybe she could get rid of the child and tell James it was a miscarriage.

Lily had already begun planning the abortion when the events from the night before popped into her mind.

_It had been a regular evening. James was celebrating Lily's fourth month of pregnancy. The family was on the living room floor. Harry was squealing in delight as he played with a toy that Sirius got him that day. Lily was smiling as her son batted at the plush animal dangling above his head. _

_James tilted her chin towards him and kissed her softly. "Pregnant suits you." He said. "You look so happy."_

"_I am happy." Lily said. James rubbed her belly softly. "You make me happy." James moved and kissed the bump that was his child. _

"_Daddy loves you sweetheart." James reached over and ruffled Harry's hair. "I love you two so much."_

Lily found herself crying. She hated herself for even considering going to a clinic. What if she had done the same to Harry? Lily apparated home and found James in the nursery with Harry. They were playing with blocks. Or rather James was and Harry was lying in his lap, turning a block over in his hands and sucking on the corners.

"Hey baby!" James said brightly. He saw the tears in Lily's eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just so happy." Lily said. She eased herself to the floor and kissed her husband and son. "I love you three so much." James smiled.

"How'd the appointment go?" he asked.

"She's healthy and well."

"She?" Lily nodded. James smiled and kissed her again. "What should we name her?"

"Emma."

"As you wish beautiful." James said. James pulled out his wand and made the block hover over Harry's head. Harry reached for the block but he couldn't.

"Don't tease him!" Lily scolded. James chuckled. Harry's eyes were narrowed in extreme frustration as he kept reaching for the block. "And you wonder why he doesn't like you most of the time."

James laughed and lowered the block into his son's eager hands. Baby Harry took the block and starting gnawing on it again.

"I SWEAR TO GOD JAMES POTTER I WILL KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T DRIVE FASTER!" Lily screamed from the back seat of the car.

"I'M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN!" James cried hysterically. "GOD YOU WERE NORMAL LAST TIME!" They saw a black motorbike next to them with three riders, a long black haired man, a sandy haired man, and a one-year-old toddler.

"ROLL DOWN THE WINDOW!" Lily ordered. "SIRIUS ORIAN BLACK WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT TAKING HARRY ON THAT BLASTED BIKE!"

"WE'RE TAKING HIM TO THE HOSPITAL!" Sirius called back. The light turned green. Remus clutched Harry and Sirius as the long black haired man punched the gas.

"DRIVE DAMN YOU!" Lily screamed at James.

"YOU'RE NOT HELPING DARLING!" Lily panted hard through yet another painful contraction. James skidded to a halt in front of the hospital and ran hysterically to help Lily out. Sirius and Remus arrived as James was helping Lily into the hospital. Harry was looking quite entertained.

James was near passed out in a chair in the hospital room and Sirius was fanning him. Remus was sitting on Lily's bedside with Harry.

"Only a few more centimeters!" Remus said brightly. "Are you excited."

Lily, who was back to normal, nodded and smiled. She looked at James and held her arm out to him.

"James, baby I'm sorry come over here." James stood up tiredly and slumped over to her. Remus stood and moved to Sirius and let Harry sit on his lap. "I'm sorry I was so hysterical."

"No problem baby." James leaned down and kissed her forehead. "You look beautiful."

"Do not." Lily grumbled. She had been about to take a shower when her water broke. Harry was fussing about something so Remus brought him over to Lily. "Hi baby boy."

"Ba!" Harry declared. Lily smiled and kissed Harry's forehead. James turned Harry towards him.

"Can you say daddy?" he asked. Harry stared blankly at him. "Dada."

"Mnman." Harry mumbled.

"Dada."

"BA!" Harry screamed. He giggled and clapped.

"We'll work on that later." James turned Harry towards Lily. "Mommy's gonna have a baby." James told him. "You're gonna be a big brother."

"Ba!"

"Ba indeed." James said. "You're gonna have a little sister. Aren't you excited?"

"Badama!" Harry said. James hugged his son tight and smiled.

"I love you bud."

Lily grabbed James's hand and squeezed hard as another contraction hit her. James kissed her hand and talked her through it.

The doctor walked in an announced that Lily was fully dilated and she was to be moved to delivery.

One painful birth and four broken fingers later the marauders and Harry gathered around the new mother and the newborn baby girl named Emma. After everybody gushed over the baby, the small family was left alone.

"Harry, this is your sister, Emma." Lily felt tears in her eyes as her son reached to his sister and touched her little arm.

"Ba!" Harry said approvingly. Emma squirmed a bit and yawned. "Bada."

"Dada." James whispered. "Close but not quite." Lily laughed. When it was time for Lily to get some rest, James left with Harry. As she drifted to sleep Lily smiled, life was great.

Their happiness was short lived. In late October, a month after baby Emma was born, James and Lily learned the prophecy.

It was a crisp autumn afternoon. James was playing with Harry on the swings. Lily was sitting in the kitchen feeding Emma. After all, the cool air was too strong for the infant. James rushed in with a very rosy cheeked Harry.

"Lily!" he panted. He turned to Harry. "Say dada!"

"Bada." Harry mumbled.

"James, he said bada." Lily said. James sighed. "You really want to hear him say dada don't you?" James nodded. Lily patted his shoulder. James ruffled Emma's thin dusting of black hair and Emma looked at him with olive green eyes. James put Harry in a high chair and got a jar of food.

"Dada." James dropped the jar of food in surprise.

"Lily did you…"

"Uh huh, his first word!" James scooped up in son and hugged him tight.

"Dada!" Harry cheered, obviously pleased with the reaction he got.

"Hey Potters."

"He said dada!" James told Sirius, Remus and Peter as they walked in. "My son called me dada!"

"Dada!" Harry cheered. "Dada! Dada!" Lily smiled and laughed at James's excitement.

"His first word, so soon?" Remus asked. James nodded. "He's certainly going to be a smart one."

"Just like his dad…wait." James hit Sirius upside the head. Lily smiled but inwardly she was frowning. Voldemort was terribly brilliant. According to what Dumbledore found out, he was a smart and quiet child. Harry wasn't exactly quiet, but he was smart. He seemed to understand things that Lily knew a baby shouldn't understand.

"Mama." Harry said warmly to Lily. James's smile brightened as Harry said this. He came over to Lily and Lily gave her son a kiss.

"I love you so much darling."

The doorbell rang and Sirius called answering it. Shortly after Dumbledore arrived in the kitchen.

"James, Lily, I'm afraid I have some bad news. A prophecy was made; you're welcome to hear it. But Voldemort wants to kill your son." Dumbledore showed them the prophecy and everyone was silent. Peter fidgeted and Sirius hugged a faint looking Remus. James was holding a sleeping Emma staring blankly at the pensive that only a few seconds ago showed an image of Trelawney.

Harry was blissfully unaware of what was going on and was playing with Lily's hair. Lily stood up, with Harry in her arms, and left the room. James handed Emma to Dumbledore (the only one that wasn't shaking) and swiftly followed Lily.

He met a closed door to the nursery. He heard Lily crying inside.

"Alohamora." He muttered. He walked in and closed the door behind him.

Lily was sitting on the floor with Harry in her lap. Harry looked bored with Lily's hair and looked like he wanted to get away. James came over and, with some difficulty, he took Harry from Lily and put him in his crib. Then he knelt down and gathered his wife into his arms.

They didn't say anything to each other for a long time. The sun was setting by the time Lily spoke.

"We have to move and then get a secret keeper." Lily said.

"Alright." James said. "There's that nice place in…" Lily put a hand over his mouth.

"He could be watching, don't say anything about where we'll go."

"Lily…"

"Please, James." Lily pleaded. James nodded. He kissed her gently and helped her stand.

"We'll talk to Dumbledore, no doubt he has a plan." Lily took Harry from his crib and held him securely.

They found the gang still sitting at the kitchen table. Remus was making tea for everyone. Peter was sitting at the table fidgeting with a napkin, Dumbledore was sitting in deep thought and Sirius was sitting on the back porch. James walked out and sat next to him.

"Remember in fifth year when we threw a red paint bomb into the Slytherin common room and it exploded on Snivelly?"

"How can you be so calm about this?" Sirius asked.

"I'm not calm about this!"

"Throw a damn tantrum then!"

"Why! What would that achieve?" James cried. Sirius punched his arm. James punched him back.

Remus looked out the window and saw James and Sirius rolling around on the ground hitting each other and screaming endless streams of profanities.

"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM MAN?" James yelled spiting some blood onto the ground.

"YOU'RE MY PROBLEM!" Sirius yelled back. "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IF YOU DIE?" James ran at Sirius (who braced himself for attack) and hugged him viciously. Both men sank to the ground, each throwing a punch into the other's stomach.

"What on earth are they doing?" Lily asked in surprise. "This is no time to be killing each other!"

"It's how they grieve. They did this when their best friend was killed in an attack."

"When was this?" Lily asked.

"Fifth year. They didn't know how to handle it so Sirius accused James of being too calm and not caring and they punched each other until, like now, they finally cried to each other."

Sirius hugged James tight around the neck. "Don't die you stupid bastard." Sirius sobbed.

"I'm scared Sirius, I'm scared for Lily and for Harry and for Emma…I don't know what to do." The men cried for a few more minutes before finally they stood up and brushed each other off.

Finally when everyone was seated and set with very poorly made tea (which Remus apologized over and over again for) Dumbledore told them that they should get a secret keeper.

"I would be more then happy to be your Secret Keeper should you choose." Dumbledore said. James pushed Lily's hand away from his bloody lip for the hundredth time and looked at Sirius.

"I want Padfoot to be the Secret Keeper."

"Are you sure?" Sirius asked. James nodded.

"Who better then my brother?" Sirius lowered his gaze, he was getting teary eyed again. However he did swat Remus' hand away as he tried to nurse his cuts.

"It's settled then. James you know how the spell is performed, correct?" James nodded. "Good, let me know if anything goes wrong, I must excuse myself." Dumbledore stood and bowed his head before leaving.

James and Sirius were in deep thought. However they were jerked out of it when they each felt the sting of rubbing alcohol on their cuts.

"Ow!" James whined.

"Well it wouldn't hurt if you boys didn't insist of killing each other!" Lily said shrilly. James broke under her tone and let her nurse him. Sirius let Remus nurse him as well. After all there was nothing scarier then a near hysterical Lily.

TBC

Yeah that was long. I couldn't really find a good place to stop it. I would have used the name of the charm but my books are at home, which is way out on the east cost. Enjoy!


	18. Chapter 17

DC: On chapter 1

Thank you to my reviewers.

So I got an e-mail that basically said that someone nominated me on The Sorting Hat and I was like O.O it tells me that people really like my fic. So whoever did I just want to say thanks.

So last chapter, wow. I finally got to the end of this story. I love this story and I really am happy with how it turned out. I hope people like it as much as I do.

I just want to make sure one thing is clear, I've always pictured Voldemort as being the type that believes he should always have his way. It make him mad that he's being denied something.

Chapter 17,

James and Lily walked into their new house in Godric's Hollow. The moment they set foot in the house they performed the charm. To Lily's surprise, James put the spell on Lily, Harry, Emma, himself…and Peter.

She couldn't say anything but it took her by surprise. She said so when the whole ordeal was over and done with.

"Why the switch?" Lily asked waving her wand and moving the furniture.

"Because I could tell that Sirius didn't want to do it."

"Well nobody wants to do it." Lily said. "But I trust Sirius far more then I trust Peter." James put Harry in his crib to keep him from trying to gnaw on Emma's little hand.

"He said he was all for being the secret keeper." James said taking Emma to the changing table. "But the thing is…well…the timing."

"What do you mean?" Lily asked coolly. James sighed.

"I promised I wouldn't tell." Lily gave him a cold look.

"James, you had better give me a good reason as to why you compromised our family's safety." James sighed. So she was going to play the family card.

"Apparently Sirius had been seeing Remus for a long time. He found out months before he and Candy broke up that she was cheating on him. So he cheated back with Remus. Anyway, Remus really wanted a family so Sirius used some of his family's…influence…to speed up the process."

"You mean…"

"They found out yesterday that they were approved for adoption. Sirius said he was willing to do it for us, but Lily how could I do that to him? He has a family now and I guarantee Voldemort would target him." Lily sat in the rocking chair. "I can't put him in our position. I'm sorry baby."

Lily walked up to him and hugged him softly. "I just want this to be over."

"I just want them to find him and kill him." James said. "What I wouldn't give to be the one to bring him down." Lily didn't say anything. James kissed her cheek. "I'm going to go unpack the living room." Lily nodded. Lily stuck a baby monitor in her back pocket and walked out with him.

James decided to turn on the radio. They were just moving the sofa when a slow song came on.

_My eyes are not the first to cry…_

"Baby, dance with me." James said. He took Lily's hands and pulled her to him. He kissed her softly. "This song says what I am to you." Lily smiled. "Hopelessly devoted." He whispered as he pulled her close.

"I love you." Lily whispered back. They hugged and swayed to the music.

_Hopelessly devoted to you_

Lily felt tears in her eyes. She hated the memories of Voldemort that fluttered through her mind. She told herself over and over again that she loved James, that she was hopelessly in love with him, but Voldemort had cast a powerful spell over her.

Was it the danger? The thrill of a forbidden romance? Or maybe it was just because the mighty Lord Voldemort had a look that he only saved for her, maybe it was that for that brief flash of time in her life, she brought out a tender loving side of him.

James treated her better, he told her every day that he loved her, he was safe and loyal, and more importantly, he didn't try to kill her. He took Harry in as his own son, he loved Harry as much as he loved her. Lily wished that James would have a girl on the side, then she wouldn't feel so horrible for still having feelings for her ex.

James picked her up and she squeaked. "James!"

"You need to relax." He told her. James carried her into the bedroom and laid her on the bed. He took out her comfortable cotton pajamas and undressed her.

"What are you up to?" Lily asked. James smiled and kissed her forehead. He took two scarves from the closet and covered her privates. Then he pulled out a white box. "What is that?"

"Incense. The kind that doesn't make your head spin." He lit it and soon the beautiful perfumed smoke made Lily feel heavy.

"You are so spontaneously sweet." She said thickly. James smiled and kissed her. Then, with a container of baby oil, he moved to her feet. He squeezed a small amount into his palm and began rubbing her feet.

"You've been so tense lately." He said. "When we danced it felt like I was dancing with a statue."

"I'm just so stressed, I'm sorry."

"Don't be darling. We've got a lot to worry about." James rubbed her heels for a long time because he knew that she loved it.

"Why are you so perfect?" Lily asked lazily. James smiled and kissed her the tip of her big toe.

"Years of practice." Lily nudged him with her foot and he laughed.

By the end of the night James had massaged every muscle in her body. Lily was fast asleep before he changed her into her pajamas. Not wanting to wake her, James covered her with thick quilts and took all the baby monitors out of the room.

James reached across the table and took Lily's hand. "You seem distracted."

"I'm just thinking." James moved next to her and put his arm around her. Lily rested her head on his shoulder. "I'm scared for Harry and Emma."

"Me too." James said. He kissed her cheek. "But don't worry my love, Peter will never betray us." Lily smiled and stood. With a flick of her wand she cleared the dishes and went into the living room with baby Harry cooing in delight.

"I'm going to give him a bath. Could you check on Emma?" Lily asked.

"Come here, Lily." James said. Lily walked up to him. James gently kissed her. "Now you may go."

"Shut up Potter." Lily laughed. She walked into the bathroom and drew a lukewarm bath for Harry. While her son splashed in the two inches of water, Lily thought about Voldemort.

Lily remembered a time when she could call out to her angel and he would answer her. She remembered when his silky voice made her feel comfortable. But now things were different, his name filled her with fear.

Besides, she was dead to him, unless he wanted a quick shag. Lily shook off the bitter emotions and watched her son enjoy his bath.

As she washed Harry's thin dusting of hair she remembered the most romantic night she and Voldemort had shared.

He had thrown everything else aside and gave her a night to remember. First he snuck into her shower and, holding her firmly against him, he calmed her by kissing her shoulder lightly. Then he washed her body, with surprising care. Afterwards he had carried her into her bedroom and they made love until they were both so tired they couldn't possibly continue. She remembered the night well.

She also remembered the bathroom one month later and the blue strip telling her that she was pregnant. Whether it was from that time or another she wasn't sure. She hoped it was, it was one of the few times she could remember where he actually seemed like a loving boyfriend. Someone she could depend on and grow old with.

Harry splashed in the water, squawking and squealing. Lily shook the memory from her mind and took her son out of the water. She wrapped a towel around him and carried him into his bedroom. Lily changed him into his snitch patterned pajamas and then she tucked Harry into his crib and kissed him goodnight. "Goodnight, my precious boy."

"Mama ba." Harry mumbled. Lily lifted her toddler and hugged him tight.

"Mommy loves you so much." Lily whispered. "You are the world to me." Harry smiled a sleepy smile. She put a monitor into her back pocket and walked her son out onto the back porch. She tucked a coat around Harry's little body and looked up at the nearly full moon.

"Mama moo."

"Yes, the moon." Lily said. "Uncle Remus likes the moon like that, almost full but not quite. It sure is pretty isn't Harry?"

"Dada, sisa." Lily turned around and saw James sitting on the swing with Emma.

"You are so distracted."

"I thought…"

"She was fussing when you were bathing Harry. She loves the night air. Are you just going to let me sit here all alone beautiful?" Lily walked over to her husband and daughter and sat down. "Happy anniversary baby." Lily kissed her husband and bounced Harry gently.

"Dada!" Harry cooed waving his arms at James. With some difficulty, the two parents switched their children. Emma squirmed a little in Lily's arms and Harry planted a wet kiss on James's cheek. "Dada."

"Harry." He tickled his son and Harry giggled.

"He'll grow up to be just like you." Lily said. James looked at Harry.

"Lily, what was his birth father like?" James asked. Lily looked at the moon and sighed. "I mean I don't know the first thing about him. I don't even know his name."

"You don't want to know."

"Nothing you could tell me could change my mind about you or Harry." Lily adjusted the wool blanket around Emma's little body. Lily hesitated.

"His biological father was cold, sarcastic, and he took pleasure in people's pain." James looked quite horrified.

"Did he…"

"He was gentle with me. Surprisingly gentle, in fact. He never wanted a family, he made that quite clear. I never told him about Harry because he would have made me get an abortion." James put his hand on her knee. "There was something…different about him when he was around me."

"Was he a death eater?" James asked. Lily nodded slowly. "Lily why would you…"

"Because I didn't know when I met him. By the time I learned who he was…I was hopelessly in love with him. Even now…James I love you with all my heart, but there's still a part of him inside of me." James looked at Harry, who was casually playing with a leaf he had found on the seat.

"When we got married, when I proposed, did you love him?"

"It's complicated, James when I look at you I see someone who loves me and whom I love. But him…he's the dangerous lover that can't be forgotten."

"Who would have thought that you would date a bad boy?" Lily rested her head on his shoulder.

"I love you, James. You have made me so happy, and given me more then I could have ever dreamed of." James pressed his lips against Lily's forehead.

"I'll always love you, Lily." He whispered. "Always and forever."

Lily and James took their children into the nursery and tucked them into their cribs. Lily tucked Emma into her crib and then Harry into his. Each baby received kisses from their parents and loving gazes.

Lily went into her bedroom while James went off somewhere else. She changed into her pajamas and stopped when she saw the necklace Voldemort had given her around her neck. She touched it and sighed. She never took it off and she had no idea why. She wondered if she had been completely honest with James.

She shook the thoughts from her head and walked out into the living room. She found James sitting on the sofa with a baby monitor on the end table. Lily sat down next to him and he put his arm around her, drawing her close.

They both sat in silence for a long time. James would occasionally kiss her temple or tighten his arm around her shoulders. They were talking about nonsense when James stopped suddenly. They both went silent.

They heard the door click shut. Footsteps on the tile. James stood up and drew his wand. Lily's heart raced. It was just Sirius, she told herself over and over again. But she knew it wasn't.

Voldemort walked into the living room calmly as if he lived there. His thin robes billowing behind him. Lily couldn't believe what she saw. His handsome face was reduced to less so. His eyes were redder then every before.

"I found you." He said quietly.

"Lily," James said quietly. "Take the kids and go!"

"James…"

"NOW!" Lily cast one look at Voldemort, then at James and then ran from the room. She saw flashes of light against the wall as she ran upstairs. She tore down the hall just as green light glowed downstairs. She slammed the door to the nursery closed and locked it. She warded it and waited. She began to shake.

"Lily," Voldemort said from the hallway, "open the door."

"Just go, please." Lily sobbed.

"We have things to discuss, Lily."

"You want to kill my son!"

"Open the door, Lily."

"No!" She heard him mutter a spell and she was thrown backward. Voldemort stormed in and snatched her up from the floor. His eyes were beyond angry. He held her by the back of her head and forced her to look at him. Their faces were so close to each other she could feel his hot breath. She remembered a time, it seemed like ages ago, when he held her forcefully and kissed her so passionately it made her melt.

"How nice it is to see you again, Lily Potter."

"Voldemort…"

"I believed you to be dead." Voldemort snarled. "I mourned you."

"You mourned…"

"You've lost someone you love, Lily, you know the pain."

"You love…"

"Stop playing the fool, you're smarter then that." Lily pulled away from him and stood before her son's crib.

"He's just a baby." she said, her eyes sparkling with tears.

"You married James Potter."

"Yes, I …"

"After you swore your heart belonged to me!"

"It does…did, Voldemort, I…"

"I've only loved one woman, one person, that's you Lily. You broke my heart."

"Will you let me explain?" Lily asked hotly.

"There's nothing to explain." He looked angrily at the crib behind her. "Stand aside, Lily, and I'll spare you."

"No, please Voldemort, please don't kill Harry."

"Stand aside!"

"No!"

"STAND ASIDE YOU FOOLISH GIRL!"

"NEVER!" Voldemort drew his wand and pointed it directly at Lily's heart.

"I have no qualms about killing you, Lily. None what so ever, not anymore."

"What about you?" Lily asked angrily. "You sent your damn servants out to kill me!"

"What are you talking about?" Voldemort asked coolly.

"Death eaters came to my apartment and tried to kill me. You made it quite clear that you didn't love me."

"Those death eaters went on their own. You should have come to me."

"And say what, exactly? Huh? You wanted me dead."

"I never wanted you dead, Lily." Voldemort said angrily. "I wanted you…it's all in the past. Now stand aside."

"If you try to kill Harry you will die." Lily said angrily. "You will never succeed."

"I will make you suffer as you have made me suffer."

"You've already made me suffer." Lily said with tears rolling down her cheeks. "In more ways then you know." Voldemort touched the tip of his wand to Lily's heart. "This is your last chance, Lily. Stand aside and things can go back to how they were."

Lily looked at him with defiant eyes.

"What do you have to gain, Lily?" Voldemort asked. "Save yourself and we'll go home together. James' bastard will be only a memory."

"Harry is my son. No mother would just stand aside and watch as someone murdered her child."

"You've made your decision then."

"I'll gladly die so my son can live."

"You're throwing your life away. I'll kill him after I kill you."

"We'll just see." Lily said in a quiet tear filled voice. Voldemort muttered a curse, and a flash of golden light shot from the tip and hit Lily. She fell to the floor, dying. He knelt beside her. Lily coughed. Blood dripped from her mouth.

"You will die slowly, Lily." Voldemort said coldly. "As I have." He made to stand but Lily grabbed his hand.

"I never stopped loving you, Voldemort." She whispered.

"Then why didn't you choose me?" He blurted. "Why didn't you just give me the child?" Voldemort touched her cheek softly. "We could have been happy."

"I love my son. I want him to live until he's old and grey surrounded by grandchildren." Lily said. "We could have never been truly happy."

"We were happy." Voldemort brushed his fingers across her forehead.

"If you love me, give me the boy, and I can reverse the spell."

"No. I'll die before I betray my son."

"Your daughter needs a mother."

"They're your children." Lily blurted. "You stupid bastard they're yours!" Voldemort froze.

Somewhere in the background Harry woke and began to babble.

Voldemort angrily regained his composure. He grabbed Lily roughly and drew her close.

"Why didn't you tell me? Huh? You were pregnant when we were together."

"You didn't want a family. You would have sent me strait to the clinic."

"Damn right I would have. I didn't want children for a reason, Lily." Lily looked at him with her forever warm eyes. Voldemort noticed a glint of silver around her neck. He reached down and tugged it. He found the charm and it tore at what was left of his heart. The necklace he had given her. She still wore it. He squeezed it tight.

As Lily took her last breath, Voldemort squeezed her hand and turned away. He stood up and looked into the crib where the baby boy with brilliant green eyes stared at him. He put his wand to the boy's forehead.

He stared at the boy for a long time. Lily had died to save him. He wondered if his own mother would have done such a thing. He wondered if the boy in the crib would grow up like him. Cold and heartless.

"I've killed his mother." Voldemort whispered to himself. "He'll end up like me."

Somewhere in the back of his mind young Tom Riddle was crying. Wondering why Lily, the only woman he had ever loved, wasn't waking. Wondering why, as the word Avada slipped past his lips, he was still going to kill the boy.

Kedavra.

A bright golden light washed over him and he felt weak he fell onto his back.

"Huh." He gasped. "Clever girl." He could see Lily's body near him. Even in death she looked so beautiful. Voldemort could feel his power slipping away.

Voldemort weakly shifted over to Lily. He turned her head towards him and kissed her. Then he managed to stand. He hobbled over to the crib where his infant daughter was sleeping.

Voldemort gathered remnants of his strength and lifted the child. Wrapping a blanket around her he slowly left the house.

"Portus." He whispered using what was left of his magic to safely take him and Emma away.

He arrived at the old mansion that once belonged to his father. He scribbled a note and laid Emma on a soft bed. As his body deteriorated he looked up at the heavens and cracked a small smile.

"I'll come back." He promised. "Then, you'll have a proper family."

The next morning Frank the caretaker was out in the garden when he heard the loud cries of a baby. He went into the house and found baby Emma wailing in the bed with a smelly diaper and an empty stomach. He looked at the note.

_Caretaker,_

_You are to care for this child as if she was your own. Should any harm come to her I will know. Her name is Lillian Emma Evans._

_Master Riddle_

Frank looked at the baby and sighed. He carried her to the wash room where he changed her diaper using an old cloth he had washed. All day he worked to make the house livable for the baby while she watched him. He muttered curses about the master of the house. He made a trip down the hill to town and bought baby supplies.

"You're lucky you're a cute little kid." Frank grumbled as he did such chores as feeding Emma and changing her diaper. "Your father will show up sooner or later."

That night Emma was put to sleep, unaware that her mother's body was being lowered into the ground along with James. She was blissfully ignorant that her brother was being poked and prodded by her cousin Dudley miles away from Little Hangleton. All she knew was that her bed was soft and there was someone to take care of her.

While the world slept, a pearly light shown over the fresh grave of Lily Evans Potter. The shadow of the once powerful dark lord looked at the grave.

"I'll be back, Lily," he promised, "and you will be too."

The End

I'm still undecided if I want to do a sequel. So I'm going to let you guys decide. If enough people want it then I'll write one. The story would follow Emma and Harry primarily.

I'm kind of sad that its over but at the same time I'm like FINALLY! Hopefully now my muse will leave me alone for a while. Pesky thing. Anyway, I'm glad so many people liked this story. Well so long for now.


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